Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX

Oh, it's starting! I'm gonna live-tweet the show and ruin it for everyone in other time zones.
Stewie

Permalink: Oh, it's starting! I'm gonna live-tweet the show and ruin it for everyone in other time zones.

Rating: Unrated

Sir, I heard whimpering. Shall I fetch your crying tuxedo?
Butler

Permalink: Sir, I heard whimpering. Shall I fetch your crying tuxedo?

Rating: Unrated

I'm glad we're staying together. Honestly, I don't know what I would do on my own. Like, I literally have no idea where food comes from. Is it that guy? Is he the food man?
Peter

Permalink: I'm glad we're staying together. Honestly, I don't know what I would do on my own. Like, I...

Rating: Unrated

"I cut your name into my arm so I can always remember you."
Meg

Permalink: "I cut your name into my arm so I can always remember you"

Rating: Unrated

"My dad gave me a gun to hide."
Meg

Permalink: My dad gave me a gun to hide.

Rating: Unrated

"Quagmire who? That's an excellent question."
Homer

Permalink: Quagmire who? That's an excellent question

Rating: Unrated

"I tried the online dating thing but there's too much competition out there."
Brain

Permalink: "I tried the online dating thing but there's too much competition out there."

Rating: Unrated

"That's cray cray in a good way, right there."
Cleveland Brown

Permalink: "That's cray cray in a good way, right there."

Rating: Unrated

"My heartbeat's down to four beats per minute."
Brian

Permalink: "My heartbeat's down to four beats per minute."

Rating: Unrated

"The book store closed and is now a Target, but our industry is fine."
Publisher

Permalink: "The book store closed and is now a Target, but our industry is fine."

Rating: Unrated

"What if the squirrel has lasers he shoots out of his eyes!"
Quagmire

Permalink: "What if the squirrel has lasers…he shoots out of his eyes!"

Rating: Unrated