It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.

Stewie

• Permalink: It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.
• Rating: Unrated

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

• Permalink: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.
• Rating: Unrated

I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.

Peter

• Permalink: I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.
• Rating: Unrated

What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.

Peter

• Permalink: What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.
• Rating: Unrated

If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.

Quagmire

• Permalink: If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.
• Rating: Unrated

We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.

Quagmire

• Permalink: We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.
• Rating: Unrated

TV is how stupid losers spend their time.

Peter

• Permalink: TV is how stupid losers spend their time.
• Rating: Unrated

This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

Chris

• Permalink: This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care...
• Rating: Unrated

Success is being true to yourself.

Lois

• Permalink: Success is being true to yourself.
• Rating: Unrated

There's nothing worse than grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.

Lois

• Permalink: There's nothing worse than grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.
• Rating: Unrated

You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.

Brian

• Permalink: You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.
• Rating: Unrated

Karen Griffin: I'm just joshing, kid. Auntie's not a biscuit bumper.
Meg: I'm not either.

• Permalink: I'm not either.
• Rating: Unrated