Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Family Guy Quotes
Peter: I missed you Brian.
Brian: I missed you too Peter.
Peter: And now Im gonna go upstairs and pee in Meg's bed.
Brian: No, we're going to go pee in Meg's bed.
Peter: Good boy.
Neil: Is this a nut free counter?
Chris: Uh I don't know, my dad's might have been on there at some point.
Stewie: Yes looks like someone's gone at him with a whip.
Brian: That is a perfectly valid way of saying that. Bravo master.
Stewie: Master? Aaand a surprisingly quick erection for Stewie.
How do you think NBA players get all those chicks? They're all great cooks. Except Kobe Bryant. His secret is different.
Quagmire
God he must be the coolest fat guy in a train conductor's cap in the world!
Brian (referring to George R. R. Martin)
Tom Cruise: Nobody walks away from tiny Tom Cruise.
Stewie: Yeah, except for all three of your wives.
Lois: Wow, Doctor Hartman, that's really short. I suppose it's fine if he's going to die at 14. Is there anything there about that?
Dr. Hartman: Well, we learned in medical school that the short ones do go faster, because they smell more farts than the rest of us.
Stewie: Doesn't it boether you being an adult man who's that short, 'cause the doctor said that's where I'm headed.
Tom Cruise: No way, man. In the middle of the word short is "or". Or gives you a choice, and I choose not to be short.
Stewie: Wow. You need a road map for that one.
Brian: You've been hanging out with Tom Cruise?
Stewie: Sure have. We spent the whole day together, and he showed me there are a lot of advantages to being short.
Brian: Yeah? Like what? You're the last one to get wet when it rains?
Stand up is so 20 years ago. Twitter's only three years ago.
Stewie
So I was wondering why this tampon commerical was so long, until I realized it was a rerun of Sex and The City
Brian
Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?
Peter
