Joe: Sex is overrated.
Peter: Stay out of this Joe.

• Permalink: Stay out of this Joe.
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Peter: Jesus, we're going to help you lose your virginity!
Quagmire: Oh god! I love sex!

• Permalink: Oh god! I love sex!
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Peter: Like, anything in the universe?
Jesus: Anything.
Peter: Brookstone massage chair.
Jesus: Are you sure?
Peter: Never been more sure about anything in my life.

• Permalink: Never been more sure about anything in my life.
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Stewie: Boy this must be killing you. You're an atheist, and the one guy you don't believe in is getting to bang the woman of your dreams.
Brain: I don't have to take this! I'm out of here. Can you let me out?

• Permalink: I don't have to take this! I'm out of here. Can you let me out?
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I don't speak for Jesus, I just get him trim.

Peter

• Permalink: I don't speak for Jesus, I just get him trim.
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Stewie Also, I gave the string quartet the music for highway to the danger zone
Brian: You have the sheet music for highway to the danger zone?
Stewie: Uh, yeah, that's all I keep in here. It's power bars and sheet music

• Permalink: Uh, yeah, that's all I keep in here. It's power bars and sheet music
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Besides, saving this ship would mean, like, talking to 80 people and I'm not in the mood right now.

Stewie

• Permalink: Besides, saving this ship would mean, like, talking to 80 people and I'm not in the mood right..
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Brian: Excuse me Mr. Hemingway. Can I have a beer with you?
Ernest Hemingway: Sure, I love life and all the people in it.
Brian: Thanks and, as a fellow writer, I'd love to talk to you about your craft God if only we can get rid of these damn arms and attach the pen directly to the heart.....
[Hemingway shoots himself]

• Permalink: Hey Mr. Hemingway, can I have a drink with you?
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Come on guys. We're getting Oklahoma, Wyoming, Arkansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Kansas, North Dakota, South Dakota and Louisiana. What are the chances all those states suck?

Thomas Jefferson

• Permalink: Come on guys, we're getting Arkansas, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Kansas, North Dakota,...
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Brian: What's on his arms?
Stewie: Those are waterwings. He was terrified of the water.

• Permalink: Those are waterwings. He was terrified of the water.
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Stewie: Here. I'll quiz you. Who said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself"?
Chris: Scooby Doo
Stewie: No
Chris: Shaggy
Stewie: It's nobody on Scooby-Doo

• Permalink: It's nobody on Scooby-Doo
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You're in high school sweetie, you should be more worried about your weight than your grades!

Lois

• Permalink: You're in high school sweetie, you should be more worried about your weight than your grades!
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