Family Guy

Family Guy Quotes (Page 6)

Season 11 Episode 11: "The Giggity Wife"

Joe: Are we sure this is the way to the dining hall?
Quagmire: Oh, I'm sorry, are your feet getting tired? God, I'd love to be able to wheel around in a toy all day.
 • Rating: Unrated

Quagmire: I love eating food that's sad.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joe: Bonnie's making wallets now. Look, she's gonna ask you guys to buy one, I'll just give you the money, just don't throw it out within 5 miles of where we live.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 11 Episode 10: "Brian's Play"

Brian: I just wish I could have had five years to be good.
Stewie: There's your voice, Brian. It's a depressing voice, but it's yours. Write from that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Wow, this is amazing, every major playwright is here.
Stewie: Yes, and it seems to be quite the successful party. Several of them have already committed suicide.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Stewie, don't you think you're overdoing it with that outfit?
Stewie: I don't wear anything I can't take off with a flourish.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: May every person that laughs at your sophmoric effort be a reminder of your eternal mediocrity and pierce your heart like a knife!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: I knew my play was good, just like I knew your play was a mediocre patchwork of hackneyed ideas and tired cliches! You have no idea how hard it was to sit in that theater with those braying hyenas! Couldn't you tell something was up when Chris and the fat man could follow the plot?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Hey, can you read that page with all the little paragraphs about dead people? They're hilarious.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom Tucker: Do you know who I am? I'm Tom Tucker, dammit! I make more in an hour than you make in two hours!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Hey Brian, can you believe I found this blazer on the side of the highway?
 • Rating: Unrated

Quagmire: Hey guys, this is my date Consuela.
Consuela: No, no, no.
Quagmire: Okay, we're here as friends, but I'm gonna change your mind one day.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Remember kids, if it's terrible, at the end we all say "You did it!"
Stewie: I can't believe we're going to the theater the same day Chris drowned a mouse in a puddle. I mean, don't we need a day to clear our heads?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 11 Episode 9: "Space Cadet"

Peter: Okay, try this. Hit up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start; then we'll have unlimited lives.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: If radio DJs have taught me anything about radio, it's that you gotta do two things: turn it up and rip the knob off!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom Tucker: So the Griffins might be dead, how does that make you feel?
Consuela: Griffin dead? I take. (Picks up house from foundation, drags behind her)
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: I think, I think we're launching!
Lois: Oh my god, everyone strap yourselves in! Stewie, hold my hand.
Stewie: No thanks, I prefer to die giving you the finger.
Peter: If this is what it takes to get out of Florida, fine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Look at this, Lois. A week ago we called him stupid, and now he's giving tours of the space shuttle.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: On the way back, we're stopping at that Down syndrome camp we passed.
Lois: Peter, that was the University of Florida.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: This is a Hamilton Beach blender we got on our wedding day. It keeps coming back to us in a vicious regifting cycle.
 • Rating: Unrated

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