Stewie: Hey Brian, show her your Boost mobil phone.
Brian: Stewie has AIDs.

Peter: It feels like just yesterday, she was born!
Doctor: You want to cut the cord?
Peter: Yeah, sure!
Doctoer: Okay that wasn't the cord, and now you've got a girl.

Lois: Is that what you really thoguht?
Peter: I did, I really did.

What!? Why's there an animated one of me and you doing it on there?

Peter

Oh yeah, every woman looks great in a sundress.

Brian

I know Meg, that's why I'm going to confuse you by calling it 'Erotica.'

Evan

Stewie: Boy in a truck to young to drive
Choir: Sing what you see!

My name's Evan by the way.

Evan

I'm gonna take a year off, hit the road, and live life to the fullest!

Stewie

Lois, please send these back to the factory, I believe they're defective.

Peter

I've never even been in a picture before.

Meg

Brian: I mean I was having fun, making new friends, getting laid all the time, sleeping like a rock - but you made the call. You unilaterally decided I was better off a bitter alcoholic failure who could only hang out with a baby.
Stewie: Hey! We have fun.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley