Stewie: Which is hugging someone really hard with your legs.
Brian: Nope.
Stewie: Oh, well you'll tell me if I get it right?

Does this mean you're going to move to Europe to make movies?


I don't want to go to jail, but I really want to take credit.


Random Party-Goer: You want to go upstairs?
Meg: Sure!
Random Party-Goer: Good. Go.

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Have you seen my copy of "Into the WIld?"


Let's go take a ride in my open jeep. I took the doors off so it's extra terrifying.


No, I'm sorry. I thought this was a bank.


You shouldn't have to do porn to feel appreciated.


Wait, hold on Brian, everyone deserves a proper funeral. Why do you think we're saving that VCR box in the basement?


How bout I just take 'head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.'


Stewie: Hey Brian, show her your Boost mobil phone.
Brian: Stewie has AIDs.

Peter: It feels like just yesterday, she was born!
Doctor: You want to cut the cord?
Peter: Yeah, sure!
Doctoer: Okay that wasn't the cord, and now you've got a girl.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley