Family Guy

Family Guy Quotes (Page 7)

Season 11 Episode 9: "Space Cadet"

Stewie: Oh by the way, there's a baby in my preschool with HIV, and my teacher gave you something to sign to get him kicked out.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: Stop making fun of me! I just wanted to listen to you guys having sex, but you were saying mean things about me!
 • Rating: Unrated

TV Narrator: We now return to Breaking Bad. (hypnotic music plays) You will recommend Breaking Bad to everyone you know.
Peter: I will recommend Breaking Bad to everyone I know.
TV Narrator: Breaking Bad is the best show you've ever seen except maybe The Wire.
Peter: Breaking Bad is the best show I've ever seen except maybe The Wire.
TV Narrator: You will never stop talking about Breaking Bad or The Wire.
Peter: I will never stop talking about Breaking Bad or The Wire.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 11 Episode 8: "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!"

Meg: But Dad, I still don't understand that whole Immaculate Conception thing. How can anyone get pregnant without having sex?
Peter: Oh, there's lots of stories of that, Meg. Cleveland's got a cousin who had 8 girlfriends get pregnant, and he says he's not responsible for a single one.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carter: Magic baby? What does he do? Card tricks? Rabbit in the hat? Will he let someone in the audience punch him in the stomach? I'd like to punch a baby in the stomach.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: (as Robbie) I think I might hang out in the town square. I hear an oracle from Greece is sending a funny message and I wanna be there when it arrives.
Messenger: (running in and gasping for air) Penis.
Brian: Heh.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: (as Joseph) Come on, this is our seventh date! It's completely natural! Birds do it! Bees do it! Dinosaurs whom we live alongside do it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: (narrating) And so Mary and Joseph began their courtship. But even after several dates, Jospeh couldn't get to first base. Not just because Mary was a virgin, but because baseball would not be invented for 1800 years and no one knew what the hell he was talking about.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: (as Joseph) Oh my God, look at that body. Can't you just imagine her standing on people's front lawns inside a cut-in-half bathtub?
Brian: (as Robbie) You should go talk to her and see if she can talk.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: (as Joseph) So I went to see that new Oedipus play last week. Took my mother. Talk about an awkward ride home. Barely got a goodnight kiss.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: It's the greatest story ever told, Meg. A story that goes back over 100 years.
Chris: Yay, Star Wars!
Peter: No, Chris. It's the story of Christmas and the Immaculate Conception. You guys were born the dirty way. Now gather around, everybody, and hear the awe-inspiring tale that's caused millions and millions of deaths!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: A guy's name was Robbie back then?
Peter: The Bible's fuzzy on that.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Meg: I can only imaging what it was like for them on that very first Christmas.
Brian: Yeah, it was probably very moving. And fictional.
Stewie: Jesus lived with us for like a week, what else do you need?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 11 Episode 7: "Friends Without Benefits"

Lois: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, Bonnie. I've put Stewie in the oven a bunch of times. As long as you come to your senses within 15 minutes, everything's fine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kent: Meg, please stop, I know your heart's in the right place, but...
Meg: Actually, it's not. It's a serious medical condition.
Dr. Hartman: [in flashback] Yeah, that's not supposed to be there, so she should always probably wear a hat.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: He seems nice.
Peter: Sorry, I missed all that. I was tweeting.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: And this is Meg's brother Chris.
Kent: Oh yeah, I've seen you around school. You eat with the deaf kids, right?
Chris: One of them isn't all the way deaf.
Kent: What grade are you in again?
Chris: It's still being worked out by a team of counselors.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Meg: Oh, I can't believe it! I'm going out on a date with Kent Lastname!
 • Rating: Unrated

Meg: Hey Kent, it's Meg. From English class?
Kent: Uh...
Meg: And math class? And bio? And the Facebook campaign to get me to kill myself?
Kent: Oh, Meg! Hey, what's up?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Meg, are you asking in this day and age, when the CEO of Xerox is a woman, when the president of Brazil is a woman, even Rosie O'Donnell is a woman, whether it's appropriate for a girl to ask a boy out on a date? Of course it's appropriate! It's also sad and desperate and I would never do it, but you're not me, are you sweetie?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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