Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

I want you on my team for everything... except for sports.

Peter [to Lois]

God, it's good to be old and nude.

Carter

I want Hershey kiss nipples, and I want you to pay for them!

Peter

Pewterschimdt, you imbecile! You think that's funny, wasting fruit? There are people dying in hilarious places!

Barrington

Lois: (while Peter plays harmonica music) I accidentally backed over a kid in the grocery store parking lot. Peter, I'm serious. I ran right over the soft part of the face. I had to run away. I ditched the car and snuck on a passing train. I was so scared, I didn't get off until I was in the south. What'd you do today?
Peter: I pushed a boy behind your car so I could do all this harmonica stuff.

Oh my god. It was in the tub, and now it's in my butt!

Peter

How does it feel to be the least-cultured person at a bus station?

Stewie

Well, looks like Archibald Meatpants is gonna have a fun night.

Stewie

Look, it's not like we've got a lot to live for. I'm just going to end up like Chris, only I'll be smart enough to realize how miserable I am.

Stewie
Displaying quotes 55 - 63 of 1887 in total