Peter: Oh look Jesus, you shouldn't be alone during Christmas. And if I remember correctly, isn't your birthday sometime soon too?
Jesus: Ah whatever, I'm fine. I'll probably just reheat some ramen and watch Grey's Anatomy.

You want me to pick up something on the way or, no you're good?

Peter

Oh it's not that much Lois, just infinity times what you bring home every week.

Peter

It's a living!

Meg

Oh I will find one. I mean, you are looking at the guy who found the fountain of youth. It is very far away from here,

Peter

Hey, its Thanksgiving. Shouldn't you be in Detroit losing a football game right about now.

Brian

Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter

Well the fat man is never going to get back in time, and with him gone that makes you the man of the house.

Stewie

Hi there folks! Hand over the turkey!

No, but why are you saying the dogs name before dads.

Chris

Well last night me and Brian got drunk and ate the turkey, but before you get mad we also ate the salad.

Peter

Even though I know you never liked me, you still helped me when I really needed it. That says a lot about your character. I'm ashamed of myself, because I am none of the things you are. You're honest, and direct, and compassionate, aaaaand that's 72 hours! Enjoy your crap-hole dumbass!

Brian

Family Guy Quotes

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)