Brian: What do you want to do for 20 minutes?
Stewie: I don't know about you, but I'm gonna work out. That's how you stay in shape. Just fit it in when you have free time Wherever you are, wherever you can...there's semen on this floor.

Oh no, he's one of those parkour free-running guys, we'll never catch him!


Brian: You're the only one who's got the knowhow and the technology to help us track her down.
Stewie: Interesting. Last week, all my gadgets were, hooey I think was the word.
Brian: I didn't say...

I don't know who you are, I don't know what you want. But what I do have is a particular lack of skills. I will never be able to find you.


Alright Meg, I need you to listen to me very carefully. Panic. Pay no attention to detail. Let your mind race. Take short, rapid breaths. Then hide under the bed, but leave two of your feet sticking out.


Ruth: Hey, you wanna dance around like morons to loud music?
Meg: I'll be right back! I've been holding in a dump since America.

Please do not be suspicious that I am at the airport with no baggage whatsoever.

French Kidnapper

Stewie: So, I've always been about world domination. What the hell do you think I was talking about when I said "Victory shall be mine!"
Brian: You have not said that in a very long time.
Stewie: Well, I'm back on it.

Peter: I mean, who says the body next to you has to be male or female? Or whatever!
Quagmire: Or alive!
Peter: Yeah! Well, no. But yeah!

I bought that to kill the women of Sex and the City, but time seems to be doing that for me!


You have a pop-up version of the Unabomber's Manifesto?


Believe it or not, men like to cuddle. Even cold, unfeeling men like Charles Bronson.


Family Guy Season 10 Quotes

"Keith Urban...Brett Favre....William H. Macy?"


"Hey Joe, what's your favorite preparation of a tomato? Is it "son died" tomato?"