Family Guy Season 5 Quotes
Construction Worker #1: My son got into DeVry.
Construction Worker #2: Oh, good. What'd he have to do, open the door?
Construction Worker #1: (Sighs) Can't you let me have anything?
- Permalink: My son got into DeVry. Oh, good. What'd he have to do, open th...
Principal: I suppose there is one thing I could do to raise the school's test average.
Lois: Then do it!
Principal: Oh right, we'll drop the dumbest student we have. Chris Griffin is hereby expelled!
Chris: But if I leave now, I won't hear who is the dumbest kid in school.
- Permalink: I suppose there is one thing I could do to raise the school's te...
Lois: They cut our school's funding if it's got low test scores? This is not what the founding fathers had in mind. (Cuts to scene to signing of Declaration of Independence.)
Man On Podium: Okay, we're here to sign this declaration of our independence. Let's take roll call first. Thomas Jefferson?
Thomas Jefferson: Here.
Man on Podium: Benjamin Franklin?
Benjamin Franklin: Here.
Man on Podium: John Footpenis?
John Hancock: It's Hancock now.
Man on Podium: Why?
John Hancock: Mind your business, that's why.
- Permalink: They cut our school's funding if it's got low test scores? This ...
Oh hey, y'all said my name! Welcome to our meeting here at the school. We got lots of exciting topics here tonight. We're going to have a public show, we're going to have some jazz. No, I'm just kidding, we have some business to take care of though. I'm sorry I pulled y'all legs. I'm just a little excited because (high-pitched voice) I met somebody today. Someone in the book store. Someone who likes the same kind of literature as I do. Oh and the adventure begins again!Bruce
- Permalink: Oh hey, y'all said my name! Welcome to our meeting here at the s...
Peter: Chris, I would give you a hug, but I'm exhausted for working two jobs for paying your scholarship. I've been selling buttscratchers-BUTTSCRATCHER! ( shows Lois a tiny hand on a stick )
Lois: No, Peter.
Peter: BUTTSCRATCHER! ( shows buttscratcher to Lois again )
Lois: Peter, no!
Peter: BUTTSCRATCHER! ( shows buttscratcher to Lois once again )
Peter: ( sad ) Buttscratcher...
- Permalink: Chris, I would give you a hug, but I'm exhausted for working two...
Instructor: Welcome to the Quahog maritime school Chris. Our curriculum consists of being on boats for long periods of time with men, just men, for many days at a time. Up on the deck with lots of men, or down in the galley with lots of men.
Chris: Is this some kind of pirate school?
Instructor: Well... a certain kind of pirate. Yes, we've been called that.
Chris: I don't know...
Stewie: Is there some kind of pre-school program?
- Permalink: Welcome to the Quahog maritime school Chris. Our curriculum cons...
(When at the ballet)
Brian: Boy, this is gonna be long. So, ah, you kids develop any pot connections at your school yet?
Brian: Ah. Lois, Meg's just gonna take me outside to poop.
- Permalink: Boy, this is gonna be long. So, ah, you kids develop any pot con...
Brian: Well, we got lucky. How you holding up Stewie?
Stewie: (in female clothing) Ummm, I feel right Brian. I feel right.
- Permalink: Well, we got lucky. How you holding up Stewie? Ummm, I feel r...
Lois: Ah, it is so good to be home. Ya know, I wanted us to live in a place with real family values, but values don't come from where you live or who your friends are. They come from inside, from your own beliefs.
Peter: I agree Lois. Like for instance, If you're watching a TV show, and you decide to take your values from that, you're an idiot. Maybe you should take responsibility for what values your kids are getting. Maybe you shouldn't be letting your kids watch certain shows in the first place if you have such a big problem with them, instead of blaming the shows themselves. (pauses, looks to the camera) Yeah.
- Permalink: Ah, it is so good to be home. Ya know, I wanted us to live in a ...