Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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Stewie: Alright Brian, I'm gonna go up to the upper level and run this wire down through the wall. Grab your walkie, I'll call you when I get up there.
Brian: Okay.
(Stewie walks away, is heard over the walkie-talkie)
Stewie: Brian, pick up. Over.
Brian: What?
Stewie: Brian, please say "over" when you are finished talking. Over.
Brian: (sighs) What? Over.
Stewie: Do you see the wire yet? Over.
Brian: No.
Stewie: Nooooo what? Over.
Brian: No. Over.
Stewie: Okay, I'm gonna start feeding it through. Over.
Brian: Wait, If you haven't started feeding it, why'd ya ask me if I could see it?
Stewie: Didn't copy that. Over.
Brian: I said why did ya ask me if I could see it if you haven't started feeding it. Over.
Stewie: Oh that's better, I can hear you now. Over. Do you see it yet? Over.
Brian: You know, you're a jackass. For the record, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what Brian? Over.
Brian: I said, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what? You've got to finish your sentence. Over.
Brian: That's it, my sentence is over.
Stewie: Your sentence is what, Brian? Over.
Brian: My sentence is- wait a minute. I have to say over, even if the sentence ends with the word over?
Stewie: Ends with the word what, Brian? Over.
(the wire descends through the wall)
Brian: Oh, I see the wire.
Stewie: You see the wire what? Over.
Brian: Over! (yanks on the wire, pulling Stewie down with it)

Lois: Wow Peter, I gotta say, you've really been true to your word about treating Meg better.
Peter: She's my only daughter, Lois. She needs to be protected, like a rare gemstone, or the herniated scrotum of an older gentleman.

This is disgusting. It smells, it's falling apart, and you can hear the mice humping in the walls.

Brian

Lois: Peter, Meg's been down there an awfully long time.
Peter: Boy, you cannot wait to criticise her at every turn, can you, Lois?

(about Meg's wedding dress) Look at her fat shoulders in those spaghetti straps. It's like bread baking around twine!

Stewie

Stewie: Hey, Brian, knock knock!
Brian: Who's there?
Stewie: (whispering) Two friends, building a house together.

Peter: That's an even more beautiful sight than 72 virgins waiting in heaven for a suicide bomber.
Teenaged boy: Hey, we're just playing some Magic: The Gathering. Wanna join?
Terrorist: OSAMA!

Neil: Hello.
Chris: Hi. Name, please.
Neil: Neil Goldman.
Chris: (checks his list) Goldman, Goldman. Sorry, no Neil Goldman.
Neil: Oh, I beg your pardon. I meant to say Chris Griffin.
Chris: (checks his list) Griffin, Griffin. Oh, here it is. Says you're supposed to be an usher. (hands his list and pen to Neil) Well, you'll need this.
Neil: Name, please.
Chris: Chris Griffin.
Neil: (checks his list) Griffin, Griffin, hmm. I'm sorry, sir, Chris Griffin has already checked in.
Chris: Well, that's impossible!

Lois: Peter, why are you wearing that suit?
Stewie: Yes, you look like the statue of liberty's pimp.
(Stewie and Brian share a High-five)

Carter: What's going on here?
Peter: We're taking what's ours! Actually, we're taking what's yours, but we don't think you deserve it, so we're calling it ours and taking it!

Peter: Alright guys, it's going to be a long night of border patrol, so I brought in Michael McDonald to help us.
Cleveland: How's he gonna help us?
Peter: He's going to do backup vocals for everything we say.
Cleveland: How's he gonna know what we're saying?
Michael McDonald (singing): How's he gonna know what we're saying?
Quagmire: Is he gonna do it for all of us?
Michael McDonald (singing): Is he gonna do it for all of us?
Peter: Yeah I hired him for the night, cost about $250 an hour, so don't skimp on the conversation.
Michael McDonald (singing): Yeah I hired him for the night, cost about $250 an hour, so don't skimp on the conversaaaationnn!
Cleveland: That sounds nice.

Lois: Peter, have you seen Stewie's Speedy Gonzales video? He won't go to sleep without it.
Peter: I threw it away.
Stewie: What?! What the hell man I don't throw away your stuff. And where's my goat?
Lois: Peter, why would you do that?
Peter: Because Speedy Gonzales is an immigrant and a bad influence on our children!

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 158 in total

Family Guy Season 6 Quotes

Stewie: Brian, this is painful. It's like listening to those two foreign guys down at the coffee shop who've been living in the US almost long enough to sound American.
(scene cuts to coffee shop)
Guy #1: Oh man, what a good bunch of partying at that disco-tech. They played one of my audience requests.
Guy #2: Way awesome! I myself drank like five liters of beer. Any more and I would have ended up in hospital man.
Guy #1: Oh you said it friend, but I wanted to stay, because I almost had sex on this girl.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, but it was so expensive. Each drink was like six dollars forty!

You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!

Cleveland (R2-D2)