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Family-guy

rian: I, uh, don't suppose you'd consider making one of those for me, would ya?
Stewie: [Sly laugh] Maybe! What would you be willing to do for me?
Brian: Whatdya want?
Stewie: Take your index finger and your thumb, and lightly grip the base of your tail.
Brian: What?
Stewie: Lightly grip the base of your tail with your index finger and your thumb, and then slide your fingers up the length of your tail to the tip.
Brian: Why?
Stewie: Because that's what I asked you to do.
Brian: That's kinda weird. Is this some kinda sexual thing?
Stewie: Nobody said anything about sexual- there's nothing sexual about it. I'm just asking you to perform a simple task. [Slyly] Take your index finger and your thumb, and lightly grip the base of your tail, and run your fingers along the length of your tail.
Brian: You mean stroke it?
Stewie: [Defensively] Nobody used that word. This is not a stroking motion- this is a completely non-sexual thing I am asking you to do, in a completely non-sexual way. [Slyly] Squeeze the base of the tail lightly with your thumb and index finger, and then, while continuing to squeeze, run them up the length of your tail to the tip, and I'll make you a clone.
Brian: I only have to do it once?
Stewie: I'll tell you when to stop.
[Brian reaches for the back of the tail and slowly rubs along the length of the tail with his thumb and index finger, and then back again, then stops]
Stewie: [Laughs] I don't know why ya stoppin' nobody told you to stop!
[Brian resumes the rubbing his tail]
Stewie: Gimme a little smile.
[Brian flashes a fake smile while continuing to rub his tail]
Stewie: You're lips look a little dry, why don't you wet 'em a little bit?
[Brian, continuing to smile and rub his tail, then starts licking the outside of his lips]
Stewie: [Guffaws] Oh my God, you're so weird! Alright I'll make you a clone buddy

Peter Griffin: Well, let's see Robot Chicken top this one.
Chris Griffin: Actually, I think they did a pretty good job with that already, Dad.
Peter Griffin: Well, I'll have to take your word for it. I don't watch Comedy Central.
Chris Griffin: It's on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, Dad. I'm pretty sure you know that.
Peter Griffin: I don't know that. I haven't seen that show in a while and I don't know that anyone else has.
Chris Griffin: Oh, I think plenty of people have. Their fans are pretty loyal to them.
Peter Griffin: Oh yeah? All forty-two of them?
Chris Griffin: I'm not gonna let you get to me this time, Dad. I'm not gonna let you get to me.
Peter Griffin: Well, maybe I got time for another story, then. It's called Without a Paddle.
Chris Griffin: F**k you, Dad!

Why are you wearing Han's clothes? Seriously, watch the actual movie. Lando is wearing Han's clothes in this scene. It's really weird.

Chewbacca/Brian

Princess Leia/Lois: There's something out there!
Han Solo/Peter: Where?
Princess Leia/Lois: Out there in the cave!
Han Solo/Peter: Ha! Crazy women always hearing thngs.
Chewbacca/Brian: There's something out there!
Han Solo/Peter: Let's go check it out.

Were going to visit Lando Calrissian. The only black guy in the universe.

Han Solo/Peter

C-3PO/Quagmire: Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are 2-1!
Han/Peter: Never tell me the o-oh... well that's not bad. Never mind, let's keep going.

Han/Peter: Hey, let me introduce everybody. You remember Chewbacca and this is my special friend Leia and that's uh... that's Sarge over there.
C-3PO/Quagmire: You don't know my name do you? You never bothered to learn it.
Han/Peter: What are you talkin' about? We've been through all kinds of space adventures together. Of course I know you slugger.
C-3PO/Quagmire: Sha, sure. Nice to meet you. I'm C-3PO...
Han/Peter: C3PO. Yeah I was just gonna introduce you, C-3PO. Why didn't you let me C-3PO?
Lando/Neil: Uh... Maybe we should go inside.
Han/Peter: Yeah let's get inside C-3PO. You ever been to cloud city C-3PO?

Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke.
Luke/Chris: Yeah?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Wait, Luke?
Luke/Chris: Yeah?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke Skywalker?
Luke/Chris: Yeah.
Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh my god, this is so silly. I was trying to call Luke Adams, his number is right next to yours in my helmet.

Han/Peter: Hey guys.
Leia/Lois: Han! What are you still doing here?
Han/Peter: Well I just realized my spaceship works better when I HAVE THE KEYS! Duh!

Luke/Chris: Echo-3 to Echo-7. Han old buddy, are you there?
Han/Peter: Luke, we talked about this. I changed my codename.
Luke/Chris: Oh right. Echo-3 to Carlos Spiceyweener.
Han/Peter: Carlos Spiceyweener here.

Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son! Y'know? I mean it doesn't have to be as father and son, it can be just as, a-y'know- as two really close guys who just happen to be men y'know, just, two good-lookin' guys sharin' a cramped office runnin' the galaxy together-y'know just, gettin' the job done y'know- maybe we, maybe we do it occasionally but its not weird y'know cause we're just, two guys with ragin' goals y'know? I mean its not even about the doin' it part- but thats a part of it- but its not- its not the whole thing.

Darth Vader/Stewie

Slug/Meg: How come I never have any lines in these things?
Han/Peter: Shut up, Meg.

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Family Guy Season 8 Quotes

Thanks honey, say hi to your husband. [device on his belt beeps] Oh, I've got AIDS again, better take my NyQuil Cold, Flu and AIDS. [takes pill] All gone!

Quagmire

Carnie: Step right up, step right up! You won't believe your eyes. Step right up and see the amazing half man, half clam.
Peter: What a ripoff, it's just Kim Cattrall sitting Indian style

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