Richard Dawson: Name something you sit in.
Lois: A chair.
Stewie: My own feces.
Richard Dawson: Name a popular fruit.
Lois: Orange.
Stewie: Clay Aiken.
Richard Dawson: Something in your closet.
Lois: Shoes.
Stewie: A scary monster.
Richard Dawson: Your favorite holiday.
Lois: Christmas.
Stewie: 911.
Richard Dawson: Name something you do on the weekend.
Lois: Go to church.
Stewie: Black guys.

• Permalink: Name something you sit in. A chair. My own feces. Name a p...
• Added: January 04, 2010

Man: And we're picking you because you have three sons.
Meg: But I'm...
Peter: Shut up, Meg.

• Permalink: And we're picking you because you have three sons. But I'm... ...
• Added: January 04, 2010

Stewie [watching Lawrence of Arabia]: Who's that rather attractive woman on a camel?
Brian: That's Peter O'Toole.
Peter: You movie buffs might likes this, both of his names are slang for penis.

• Permalink: Who's that rather attractive woman on a camel? That's Peter O'...
• Added: January 04, 2010

Peter: Hey Peggy, that fart I had at three, can you push it up to now?
Peggy [over intercom]: Very good sir.
[Peter farts]

• Permalink: Hey Peggy, that fart I had at three, can you push it up to now? ...
• Added: December 14, 2009

Peter: Keep it up Lois and I might fire you.
Lois: You wouldn't.
Peter: Does the name, Lacey Chabert mean anything to you?
Lois: Okay, I'll behave.
Peter: Yes, you will.

• Permalink: Keep it up Lois and I might fire you. You wouldn't. Does the...
• Added: December 14, 2009

Lois: Is my father going to be okay, Dr. House?
Dr. House: He's in a coma, Mrs. Griffin. Listening to the sound of your voice, I'd say he's the lucky one.

• Permalink: Is my father going to be okay, Dr. House? He's in a coma, Mrs....
• Added: December 14, 2009

Peter: It sure was nice for you to invite us out on your yacht, mr Pewterschmidt.
Carter: It's not a boat, it's a yacht. Oh sorry, I thought you said boat.

• Permalink: It sure was nice for you to invite us out on your yacht, mr Pewt...
• Added: December 14, 2009

Brian: Wait a sec, just to prove a point to me, you burned down a liquor store and murdered a dog?
Stewie: Just a stray.
Brian: ....Thank You.

• Permalink: Wait a sec, just to prove a point to me, you burned down a liquo...
• Added: November 30, 2009

Lois: That's a great idea, maybe you can join PETA.
Peter: Join me for what?
Lois: No, PETA, the organization.
Peter: What organization?
Lois: PETA.
Peter: what?
Lois: PETA is an acronym, Peter.
Peter: No I'm not, I'm Catholic.
Stewie: Are we really doing this?

• Permalink: That's a great idea, maybe you can join PETA. Join me for what...
• Added: November 30, 2009

Brian: I can't believe our society values the life of a dog less than a human. It's infuriating.
Stewie: That is infuriating. Maybe you should go bark at a tree and then chew on your balls for an hour.

• Permalink: I can't believe our society values the life of a dog less than a...
• Added: November 30, 2009

Chris: Can I get some covers over here?
Consuela: No, your fat keep you warm.

• Permalink: Can I get some covers over here? No, your fat keep you warm.
• Added: November 30, 2009

Stewie [on the phone]: You're the new housekeeper aren't you?
Consuela: Si.
Stewie: I don't want to point fingers but I'm missing about thousand dollars of play money.
Consuela: I take.
Stewie: What? You took it?
Consuela: Si.
Stewie: Then give it back.
Consuela: Come get it, bitch.

• Permalink: You're the new housekeeper aren't you? Si. I don't want to p...
• Added: November 30, 2009