Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Hey guys, the chimp just ripped the other girl's boob off. Please tell me you got that on camera.

James Woods

We thought it would be a lot funnier if it was a sitcom.

TV Exec

I discovered a much more precious element. I discovered dad-mium.

Elijah Wood

You're always saying our show sucks. Let's see yours.

Charlie Sheen

Peter: So... question. How long has Stewie been unconcious?
Meg: Oh my god, Chris, he knows. Dad, I'm so sorry we should have told someone but we were too scared. I wanted to take him to the hospital, but Chris wouldn't let me.
Peter: Good Chris. I've taught you well. You have the right instincts. When you were babies, I used to knock you kids out every month or so. Some times by accident. Sometimes when the Patriots lost. You just gotta cover it up and everything works it self out. Meg, this is a list of hats. I need these by 4 o'clock.

TV Exec #1: Did everyone else feel it?
TV Exec #2: I felt it.
TV Exec #3: I felt it too.
TV Exec #4: I felt whatever the most senior executive in this room felt.

Chris: Anything I could do to make your life easier.
Lois: Well you could always grab the vacuum and clean the living room floor.
Chris: Sure, I'll take care of that. Are you running off to your job?

Brian, your script... it was enchanting. This brian griffin? I've never met this Brian Griffin. I would have told you last night, but I was 100% sure you ripped it off. After spending the last 18 hours on the Internet and in libraries trying to find traces of it somewhere, I couldn't find a thing.

Lois

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws. I call it Big Jaws.

Peter
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