How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes (Page 13)

Season 5 Episode 4: "The Sexless Innkeeper"

Ted: Barney, are you wearing sweat pants?
Barney: Maybe, but they're Armani!
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Lily [to Robin and Barney]: We're kind of on a double date with Pey and Shey, and we wouldn't want you guys to feel like a fifth and sixth wheel
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: The US Navy discovered aliens at the bottom of the ocean and for reasons I can't explain, they selected Robin and I to lead the expedition
Lily: That sounds like stuff you say to women when you're trying to get rid of them
Marshall: That's exactly what is sounds like, but if it's true that sounds totally awesome

 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barney: Ted, you mentioned that you lived upstairs. She saw that tweed jacket which basically says you're not interested in nor probably even capable of having sex and she thought, hey, free lodging
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Random Girl: How's grading?
Ted: You just gotta make it fun, every time I see a grammatical error, I do a shot. Right now I'm smashed and I blame the public school system.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Ahh tweed, the official fabric of the eunuch
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 3: "Robin 101"

Ted [to Robin]: I've seen barney try really hard to get women, I've seen barney try really hard to get rid of women, but I've never seen barney try so hard to keep a woman
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: When you date someone it's like you're taking a class in them and when you break up it's like all that knowledge is useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Pop quiz. When robin is PMSing what kind of chocolate should youg et her?
Barney: Trick question. Get her butter scotch.
Ted: Correct. Why?
Barney: Butter scotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barney: I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby, that's like taking fashion advice from well... Ted Mosby
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Ted [about a picture of Robin with nostrils flaring]: If you ever see this face, whatever you do, run and do not take a picture or she will punch you.. and you will cry.. for the third time... that night
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Ted: You were like the worst student in the world, weren't you?
Barney: They said I AD...something... can we have class outside?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted [about Robin]: Don't cry in front of her, and whatever you do, don't cry in front of her four times
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Funny thing, and this is just me, I like my balls attached to my body instead of rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 2: "Double Date"

Marshall [to Barney]: Ooh girlfriend troubles, I wish I could help you but my totally awesome wife just bought me a lap dance with her body double. If you need me I'll be getting grinded like some pepper in the champagne room
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Barney: I don't come here that often
Waitress: Hey Barney, here's your usual and I'll send you your other usual when she's done stretching
Barney: Thank you kindly, stranger
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jen: We're going to die alone aren't we?
Ted: Well, you'll have your cats
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Guess who got four tickets to the the origins of chewbaca exhibit?
Lily: Why?
Barney: No, I said who
Lily: I heard you
Robin: Isn't it a little early in our relationship to be doing things that would end our relationship?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 1: "Definitions"

Ted [about Barney and Robin]: You do realize that they were lying to you
Lily: No, they don't realize that they weren't lying
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Robin: Unless I say fluggelhorn, you haven't gone too far
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

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