How I Met Your Mother

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How i met your mother

Isn't there always a hotter girl?

Lily

Ted: Permission to say 'Lawyered?'
Marshall: Granted.

Magic phone guys - magic phone.

Barney

I've enlisted Ranjit's services as my personal driver because for the next week I'll be sleeping with hundreds of women and I don't want to take the subway because, you know - germs.

Barney

Dibs on his wings.

Robin

Keep your eyes peeled for a red sweater. Based on her texts, she's dirty, dyslexic, and wants to 96 me.

Barney

You smeared the Pu name.

Marshall

Ok, let me try to Canada this up for ya, eh?

Lily

Jim, there's nothing routine about the way I get down.

Barney

Ted: Like I'm totally going to sit my kids down and talk to them about the time Barney nailed seven chicks in a row.
Future Ted: Am I a bad dad?

Ted, jeez, when are you gonna get your life together?

Marshall

Barney's boss: I know this week has been tough on you.
Barney: I barely slept.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 267 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

My panties would hit the floor so hard they'd end up halfway to China.

Robin
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