How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes (Page 11)

Season 5 Episode 8: "The Playbook"

Marshall: Another book! We got ... Stephen King over here!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Cheap tricks? Not one of these is a cheap trick! [pauses] Well, except for the Cheap Trick.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: She was cute.
Lily: She still is! And now you're ready.
Marshall: Yeah, man, now you can fit like three times that many chicken fingers in your mouth!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Barney: I hope you're happy with yourself. You broke that girl's heart!
Lily: Me?!
Barney: You! She'll probably never trust a guy again. You ruined her for Ted! Not to mention Julio van Matterhorn, Lorenzo's twin brother.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: That is awful. You realize you broke her heart, right? She's inconsolable!
Barney: Why would she be inconsolable? Lorenzo's balloon won't disappear over the arctic for another week.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: Don't you think you're rushing back into this?
Barney: Lily, since I stopped dating Robin, there's this thing I haven't used as much as I would like. It's kind of big. Surprisingly heavy. Kind of leathery. And it's black.
Lily: Huh?
Barney: This, my friends, is the playbook!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: [narrating] Kids, the secret to dating is simple. Be confident, be comfortable in your skin, be assured about who you are. Your uncle Barney was really good at that last one. Even though a lot of the time, who he was was actually someone else.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: An actress? Of course, that explains her impeccable diction and her slutiness
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: Barney I've had Shelly set aside for three years
Barney: Dude, Ted was not missing out. She's brainy and annoying. Kind of boring in the sack. Oh I guess she would have been perfect for Ted. Whoops.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 7: "The Rough Patch"

Barney: We both like scotch. We're both awesome.
Robin: Maybe that's the problem. Maybe there's just too much awesome here.
Barney: Yes. Two awesomes cancel each other out. I'm tired of being canceled out.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan Thicke: Lily? Sorry I'm late. I was looking for a van.
Ted: A van costs $25 more.
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: Neil Young is a Canadian treasure. DO NOT make fun of Neil Young.
Barney: Robin, I would never make fun of a defenseless old lady with vocal cord paralysis.
 • Rating: 4.2 / 5.0

Lily: That's it. I'm coming out of retirement for one. Last. Breakup.
Ted and Marshall: YES!
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: You know what they say about relationships. Every waking moment's a battle.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Sorry Ted. I'm my own wing man tonight.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Open it open it open it open it! It's my porn collection. Wait, no it's not. That would be weird.
Ted: It's your porn collection.
Barney: It's my porn collection!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: What'd you get?
Lily: I got squat.
Marshall: What? I thought I saw you take one.
Lily: I did. It's called Squat.
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: We watched a movie last night
Barney: It was legen... wait for it... gends of the fall. Not that good.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Delivery Guy: I have a sausage pizza delivery
Ted: That sounds the start of one of Barney's videos
Delivery Guy: I don't even know if it's gonna fit in there
Ted: Now you're just quoting it
Delivery Guy: Okay someone has to take this sausage
Ted: Were you in that video?
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

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