How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Isn't there always a hotter girl?


Ted: Permission to say 'Lawyered?'
Marshall: Granted.

Magic phone guys - magic phone.


I've enlisted Ranjit's services as my personal driver because for the next week I'll be sleeping with hundreds of women and I don't want to take the subway because, you know - germs.


Dibs on his wings.


Keep your eyes peeled for a red sweater. Based on her texts, she's dirty, dyslexic, and wants to 96 me.


You smeared the Pu name.


Ok, let me try to Canada this up for ya, eh?


Jim, there's nothing routine about the way I get down.


Ted: Like I'm totally going to sit my kids down and talk to them about the time Barney nailed seven chicks in a row.
Future Ted: Am I a bad dad?

Ted, jeez, when are you gonna get your life together?


Barney's boss: I know this week has been tough on you.
Barney: I barely slept.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 267 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

My panties would hit the floor so hard they'd end up halfway to China.

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