Modern Family

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 1 Episode 20: "Benched"

Phil [on his fists]: I'm gonna introduce him to the Captain... and Tenille.
 • Rating: Unrated

Manny: Any suggestions?
Jay: I usually go with earrings
 • Rating: Unrated

Cameron: I can't pressure Mitchell. But I really, really, really just want him to get a job so I can go back to being a stay-at-home dad/trophy wife.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mitchell: It's Cameron's turn to be out in the world interacting with other grown-ups while I get to stay at home and plot the death of Dora the Explorer.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Phil: Let's show these guys what kind of team they're about to beat.
 • Rating: Unrated

Luke: Manny and I are going to practice lay-ups.
Manny: They are deceptively hard. A curious mix of dance and strength.
Luke: You're ruining it again.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: One day I'm gonna be a grandfather and then everybody better hide their meat.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 19: "Game Changer"

Phil [upon getting an iPad]: Who's ready for the first day of the rest of their lives?
 • Rating: Unrated

Manny: Do I have time for a steam?
 • Rating: Unrated

Gloria [at chess]: Look at this, papi!
Jay: Easy, you can't sing "We Are The Champions" without your Queen.
 • Rating: Unrated

Claire: They're getting more in next week.
Phil: Next week? That's like the worst thing you can say to an early adopter.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jay: You said that everything you needed to learn you'd learn from Westside Story.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Maybe you should come to the doctor and I'll ... get rid of it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: I was 11 years old. I hit ten straight fastballs in the batting cage, then my friend Jeff Sweeney took one in the groin. I yelled "ball two!" Everybody laughed. That's when I knew I was funny.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: You're so cute when you're angry with you're little fists. I just want to put you in my pocket.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron [to Mitchell]: Oh man, if a spider would have broken in here, he would have been in trouble.
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Jay [on teaching Manny chess]: I'm going to teach him the real version, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game, not smuggle stuff out of the country.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: It's like a movie theater, library and a music store all rolled in to one... awesome pad.
Alex [to Haley]: A library is a place where people get books
Haley [to Alex]: A movie theater is a place where people go on dates.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: The iPad comes out on my actual birthday. It's like Steve Jobs and God got together to say, "we love you, Phil."
 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 18: "Starry Night"

Claire [after eating Haley's cupcakes]: Do we still have the number for poison control?
Phil: I love you, Claire, I'll always love you!
Luke: My mouth is asleep like at the dentist.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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