There's no such thing as a professional Broadway enthusiast.


Prepare to Phil the agony of Dunfeat! Both names!


Easy Duchess, it's just one room, not Gosford Park.


Jay: You and Manny have the closest relationship I've ever seen. Hell he may never form a healthy attachment with another woman after you.
Gloria: You're just saying that.

If she learns how to froth his cappuccino I am history!


Haley: Went to college at a place called MIT.
Alex: M.I.T.
Haley: I know how to spell it.

I'm not adorable, I'm getting a mustache.


You know what? You just caused a scene in a restaurant and you can't get anymore like your daddies than that.

Cam [to Lily]

Phil: It's coming from the future and it ain't pretty.
Haley: I don't understand, in the future I'm not pretty?

Cam: I knew when I was 5.
Mitchell: Everyone knew when you were 5.

You know what was a rare book at my school library, one that didn't have genitals drawn all over it.


When am I going to get real boobs?


Modern Family Season 4 Quotes

So what you're saying is you have a child shaped hole in your heart and you wanna stuff a cat into it.

Mitchell [to Cam]

Jay was really explicit about what he wanted to do for his 65th birthday, but luckily Phil Dunphy knows how to read between the lines.