Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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I wanted to tell Haley the dangers of starting a family too early but what could I say that couldn't have been said better by a screaming baby?

Claire

Maybe we can pump Marcus full of whatever we gave those bike riders.

Cam

It's like scrabble with Haley. After awhile you're just playing against yourself.

Alex

Mitchell: Suck it Nancy!
Pepper: I was just trying to help.

Son of a bitch you're an embarrassment! You're kicking up more sand than a sea turtle laying eggs.

Jay

Alex: You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice?
Gloria: No I just had a baby.
Alex: I watched you carry Manny to bed.

Classmate: Why is it taking you so long? How hard is it for you to paint a wall?
Luke: A lot harder than your so-called singing. At least this is supposed to be flat.

First rule of golf, shhh.

Jay

I'm sorry for dozens of things everyday that actually happen, if I start apologizing for things that don't happen how productive of a person would I be?

Phil

Don't ever ask me about my business Claire.

Phil

We're not bad parents, Claire is!

Cam [to Mitchell]

Haley: Dad tried to fix all our problems and instead ruined all our lives.
Alex: Nightmare.
Claire: You girls are so dramatic. Do I need to call you a wambulance?

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 202 in total

Modern Family Season 4 Quotes

So what you're saying is you have a child shaped hole in your heart and you wanna stuff a cat into it.

Mitchell [to Cam]

Jay was really explicit about what he wanted to do for his 65th birthday, but luckily Phil Dunphy knows how to read between the lines.

Phil