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New-girl

Nick: Band of Brothers!
Schmidt: Your friendship means nothing to me. Every man for himself!

Schmidt: I'm gonna have sex tonight. Are you two in?
Winston: Is that the way you wanted to say that?

Dammit! Been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. It's like a taffy pole on a hot summer's day.

Schmidt

This coat has clean lines and pockets that just don't quit.

Nick

Edgar: Oh my God, you smell like waffles.
Edgar's girlfriend: Want to eat me up?
Edgar: Yes, I do.

Don't ask about the duffle bag, bitch!

Edgar's mom

You're the deer! He wants to kill you! You're the deer!

Nick

They make shoes for your penis! They're called pants!

Schmidt

Winston said you make fun of my gremlin toenails. That you call them clickety-clacks or centaur boots.

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 82 - 90 of 193 in total