Elliot: God, I can't remember the last time I saw you in this suit and tie.
J.D.: How can you not remember that time we were with those-
Elliot: Oh, God! With the two guys!
J.D.: -the two guys, and their mom was trying to sing that song!
Elliot: It was so funny!
J.D.: So funny... Till they had to... put their horse down.
Elliot: Oh, yeah...
Elliot/J.D.: Poor Cinnamon.
Elliot: He could run like the wind, but his tail couldn't put out that fire.

Marco! The invite says no dates, man! NO dates!

Turk

Turk: Anyway, uh... I may not ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me, but I promise I will try to show you... for the rest of my life. I love you.
Carla: I love you.
Elliot: Aren't they amazing?
J.D.: I don't love you.
Elliot: What?
J.D.: Please don't cry.
Elliot: Oh, I won't.
She angrily shoves him and throws him over the table
J.D.: Oh, God! Someone call 9-1-1!
Elliot: Oh, could I get a little more wine, please?

Jordan: Why didn't you tell me you felt that way, you dumbass?
Dr. Cox: Because you're so much like your mother, you wouldn'ta listened anyway.
Jordan slaps him then kisses him
Dr. Cox: No biting.
Jordan: Just take it, you girl.

Turk: You know what, tell her I couldn't come up with anything, so I guess I don't love her.
Marko: Gimme that.
Turk: For what?
Marko: I'm gonna write your vows for you... Ooh! A clicky top!

Marko: Aw come on man! That was "When Harry Met Sally" - it was a classic!
Turk: Aww yeah dude, you know I was gonna rent that the other night but then I remembered I was a heterosexual.

Dr. Cox: Jordan, you are an unpredictable passionate person and you challenge me each and every day and honestly, that's the reason I can imagine being with you when I'm seventy and your sixty-five and your face is forty and your boobs are twenty-nine.
Jordan: My face will never look forty.
Dr. Cox: You're right, my bad.

Carla: What's going on with you?
Dr. Cox: Let's see, Jordan and I aren't, uh...we're not fighting anymore.
Carla: Oh, no. How long has this been going on?
Dr. Cox: Since the baby came along we've been fighting less and less.
Carla: Why don't you get a hotel room? Pour some nice champagne, get in a tub, and rip each other new ones. You know, make it special.

Oh my God that board meeting went on forever! It was so dull I had to read pamphlets just to stay awake. Good news is, don't have testicular cancer.

Jordan

Turk: You're making a big mistake.
J.D.: Come on, man. Elliot and I are like best friends. We love hanging out with each other. Maybe that's love. I mean, who-who knows what love really is?
Turk: I do. J.D., when I look at Carla, I see the future. I see kids, I see minivans, I see a beer gut - on me, of course, not her.
J.D.: I hope so.

Tell me this, how do you not scare him when you go in there? Do you wear a nanny mask or do you just slap on a name tag that says "Hi I'm your Mommy?"

Dr. Cox

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe I just don't feel I deserve someone as great as Elliot because I have low self-esteem.
Elliot: Do you know that you have really nice hands?
J.D.: "Nice"? Elliot, these are the hands of a god!
Elliot: Heh!
J.D.'s Narration: Fine, so it's not the self-esteem thing.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Oh, so you're going to sock me again. Good God, Perry, at a certain point you're just beating up an old man.

Dr. Kelso

Now, I would've never figured it out unless you guys had done the leg work. You four deserve all the credit, really... Mrs. Farr, Dr. Cox has saved the day! Don't ya just love it?

Dr. Cox