Marco! The invite says no dates, man! NO dates!

Turk

Turk: Anyway, uh... I may not ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me, but I promise I will try to show you... for the rest of my life. I love you.
Carla: I love you.
Elliot: Aren't they amazing?
J.D.: I don't love you.
Elliot: What?
J.D.: Please don't cry.
Elliot: Oh, I won't.
She angrily shoves him and throws him over the table
J.D.: Oh, God! Someone call 9-1-1!
Elliot: Oh, could I get a little more wine, please?

Turk: You know what, tell her I couldn't come up with anything, so I guess I don't love her.
Marko: Gimme that.
Turk: For what?
Marko: I'm gonna write your vows for you... Ooh! A clicky top!

Oh my God that board meeting went on forever! It was so dull I had to read pamphlets just to stay awake. Good news is, don't have testicular cancer.

Jordan

I can only assume you're saying "Let me out or I'm gonna kill ya"...not gonna happen. Listen, I'm in a rare position of power here, okay? So I'm only gonna let you out if you admit that you're my mentor. I know! I know that makes you angry, but-- Uh-oh! Okay! Okay! You know, I'm fine the other way! However you wanna do--

J.D.

Carla: Why is your mouth red?
Dr. Cox: Duct-taped two hours in a morgue drawer; don't piss off the Janitor; end of story.
Carla: ...'Kay... I'm ordering more pens. Do you like twisty bottoms or clicky tops?
Dr. Cox: I can't imagine anything I care less about.
Dr. Kelso: Damn these twisty bottoms. We need some more clicky tops.
Dr. Cox: Not gonna happen, Bob. Here I just told Carla to order a hundred thousand twisty bottoms.
Dr. Kelso: Nice face. But can't you just order a box of clicky tops for me?
Dr. Cox: No, Bob. Everybody gets the same.
Dr. Kelso: Fine. I'll just take these.

Dr. Cox: Jordan, you are an unpredictable passionate person and you challenge me each and every day and honestly, that's the reason I can imagine being with you when I'm seventy and your sixty-five and your face is forty and your boobs are twenty-nine.
Jordan: My face will never look forty.
Dr. Cox: You're right, my bad.

Marko: Aw come on man! That was "When Harry Met Sally" - it was a classic!
Turk: Aww yeah dude, you know I was gonna rent that the other night but then I remembered I was a heterosexual.

Turk: You're making a big mistake.
J.D.: Come on, man. Elliot and I are like best friends. We love hanging out with each other. Maybe that's love. I mean, who-who knows what love really is?
Turk: I do. J.D., when I look at Carla, I see the future. I see kids, I see minivans, I see a beer gut - on me, of course, not her.
J.D.: I hope so.

Turk: So I take it you haven't broken up with her yet.
J.D.: Yeah, I decided to stay with her forever.
Turk: That's great, dude. I know you think you're being nice, but I'm pretty sure Elliot doesn't want to spend her life with someone who doesn't love her.
J.D.: Oh, you know what? If it's okay with you, I'm gonna go ahead and take relationship advice from someone whose fiancee is currently speaking to him. Ohhhh!
Turk: Ohhhh-ho!
J.D.: Gimme some champagne! I need a victory sip!

I don't necessarily buy into all that new agey crap. One time I saw my mom knock my father unconscious with a frying pan. You know what I did? I kept right on going with my birthday party.

Dr. Cox

Carla: Now, if you two can stop your petty crap for just one second, maybe we can focus on what this wedding weekend is supposed to be about.
Marco/Turk: Love.
Carla: No! ME!

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 981 in total

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Why can't I sit on you!? Why??

Dr. Casey

I'm sorry... It's just I miss talking to you... I miss seeing you... I even miss that weird way you sleep with your eyes open.

Elliot
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