Marco! The invite says no dates, man! NO dates!

Turk

Turk: Anyway, uh... I may not ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me, but I promise I will try to show you... for the rest of my life. I love you.
Carla: I love you.
Elliot: Aren't they amazing?
J.D.: I don't love you.
Elliot: What?
J.D.: Please don't cry.
Elliot: Oh, I won't.
She angrily shoves him and throws him over the table
J.D.: Oh, God! Someone call 9-1-1!
Elliot: Oh, could I get a little more wine, please?

Turk: You know what, tell her I couldn't come up with anything, so I guess I don't love her.
Marko: Gimme that.
Turk: For what?
Marko: I'm gonna write your vows for you... Ooh! A clicky top!

Oh my God that board meeting went on forever! It was so dull I had to read pamphlets just to stay awake. Good news is, don't have testicular cancer.

Jordan

I can only assume you're saying "Let me out or I'm gonna kill ya"...not gonna happen. Listen, I'm in a rare position of power here, okay? So I'm only gonna let you out if you admit that you're my mentor. I know! I know that makes you angry, but-- Uh-oh! Okay! Okay! You know, I'm fine the other way! However you wanna do--

J.D.

Carla: Why is your mouth red?
Dr. Cox: Duct-taped two hours in a morgue drawer; don't piss off the Janitor; end of story.
Carla: ...'Kay... I'm ordering more pens. Do you like twisty bottoms or clicky tops?
Dr. Cox: I can't imagine anything I care less about.
Dr. Kelso: Damn these twisty bottoms. We need some more clicky tops.
Dr. Cox: Not gonna happen, Bob. Here I just told Carla to order a hundred thousand twisty bottoms.
Dr. Kelso: Nice face. But can't you just order a box of clicky tops for me?
Dr. Cox: No, Bob. Everybody gets the same.
Dr. Kelso: Fine. I'll just take these.

Dr. Cox: Jordan, you are an unpredictable passionate person and you challenge me each and every day and honestly, that's the reason I can imagine being with you when I'm seventy and your sixty-five and your face is forty and your boobs are twenty-nine.
Jordan: My face will never look forty.
Dr. Cox: You're right, my bad.

Marko: Aw come on man! That was "When Harry Met Sally" - it was a classic!
Turk: Aww yeah dude, you know I was gonna rent that the other night but then I remembered I was a heterosexual.

Turk: You're making a big mistake.
J.D.: Come on, man. Elliot and I are like best friends. We love hanging out with each other. Maybe that's love. I mean, who-who knows what love really is?
Turk: I do. J.D., when I look at Carla, I see the future. I see kids, I see minivans, I see a beer gut - on me, of course, not her.
J.D.: I hope so.

Turk: So I take it you haven't broken up with her yet.
J.D.: Yeah, I decided to stay with her forever.
Turk: That's great, dude. I know you think you're being nice, but I'm pretty sure Elliot doesn't want to spend her life with someone who doesn't love her.
J.D.: Oh, you know what? If it's okay with you, I'm gonna go ahead and take relationship advice from someone whose fiancee is currently speaking to him. Ohhhh!
Turk: Ohhhh-ho!
J.D.: Gimme some champagne! I need a victory sip!

I don't necessarily buy into all that new agey crap. One time I saw my mom knock my father unconscious with a frying pan. You know what I did? I kept right on going with my birthday party.

Dr. Cox

Carla: Now, if you two can stop your petty crap for just one second, maybe we can focus on what this wedding weekend is supposed to be about.
Marco/Turk: Love.
Carla: No! ME!

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 981 in total

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Then for the last time, don't stick any part of your hairless body into my business. Trust me, there is nothing for you to gain from it - because even if you went on a cruise to the most remote regions of the ocean and rescued my drowning, salt-soaked body in time to pump the sea water out of my lungs and bring me back from the brink of death I would still be upset that the first face I saw was yours.

Dr. Cox

It feels good to work as a team and gather all the pieces of the puzzle together so we can finally look Mrs. Farr in the face and tell her... we still don't know what the hell she has.

J.D.'s Narration
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