Scrubs

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes (Page 8)

Season 3 Episode 20: "My Fault"

Carla: Do you want me to re-invite her?
Turk: Do you want her there?
Carla: No. She's too pretty. I want people looking at me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Miller: Dr. Turk. Meet me in the O.R.
Turk: Fat flaps?
Dr. Miller: You got it!
Turk: I love fat flaps.
Carla: I love you!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 19: "My Choosiest Choice of All"

Carla: What's wrong with him?
Turk: He slept with Elliot last night.
Carla: Oh, that time of year again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Danni: I get so gassy after sex. Oh, by the way, some skank named Barbara called; I told her to back off!
J.D.: Barbara's my mom.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Janitor: Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah! Movin' a little quick there aren't we bub. Got a story to tell me?
Dr. Cox: Here's a story. It's called the security guard who was sodomized with his own nightstick.
Janitor: Why don't we just consider this a warning?
Dr. Cox: Yeah.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Oh don't even start "Tarla" or "Curk" whatever you're calling this little two-headed judgemental freak-show. Why don't I do a little piece for you, I like to call "Your First Year of Marriage." 'I do.' Oh kiss, kiss, kiss. 'Why can't we have a baby?' 'Why you spending so much money on clothes?' 'Why you sleeping with my sister?' 'Why can't I hang out with my peeps?' Pkkkkkkkk...
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: [to Danni in the other room] You want any water? [sees Turk and Carla watching him] ...Well do you guys?
Carla: Bambi, we know you were in there with Danni, we heard you say her name.
J.D.: Oh, no no, I was in there with my buddy Danny, from the gym.
Turk: But we heard you say "Take it all, Danni!"
J.D.: ...He's a ... really good buddy...
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: You don't enjoy hanging out with me, do you?
Danni: Not really, I'm more into tough guys, you know.
J.D.: Last night in bed I knocked you unconcious!
Danni: For like 5 seconds.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: I totally understand. You know, Danni and I are getting back together, too.
J.D.'s Narration: We are?
Elliot: Danni? Danni, Danni, Danni... What was her last name?
J.D.'s Narration: Damn! I should know this!
Elliot: Blonde hair!
J.D.: Yes! Raspy voice!
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: Some hooligan keeps disconnecting the alarm. I told Security to look into it? But no, no, they'd rather catch the guy who's stealing organs from the transplant ward. If I was a security guard around here, things'd be different.
Carla: You really want to be a security guard?
Janitor: Who around here commands more respect than the men who wear blue and green?
Turk: The uniforms are black and gray.
Janitor: You got me. I don't see colors well. Happy now?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Look, there's a new doctor at the hospital, and she is such a relentless chore that every time she's harping at me, I actually see your face.
Jordan: I love that you think about me at work!
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Look at you in your new uniform! And they give you a nightstick!
Janitor: Well, actually, this is my dad's. He used to use this baby every day at work.
Turk: Was he a cop?
Janitor: Uh, no, cat trainer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Look, I honestly don't think that going to some dive bar is necessarily appropriate for somebody who just had kidney surgery. Although, don't get me wrong, the fact that it seems to be pissing you off so much is the true definition of an added perk. Seriously, you can-you can look it up in the dictionary. It's under "P" for "perk". It's right next to "pain in the ass" and, curiously enough, your picture is right next to it.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Hey, you wanna play darts?
Danni: Sure!
J.D.: Great! Have fun, I'll be over here.
Danni: Do you even enjoy spending time with me?
J.D.: "Enjoy" is such a strong word... I...I'm used to it. You know, like cafeteria food, or the constant threat of terrorism.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Carla: Turk, he wants to be with Dr. Miller because he thinks it'll make him what?
Turk: Happy.
Carla: Exactly. But he's really only happy when he's...?
Turk: Miserable.
Carla: Right! So why does he really want to be with Dr. Miller?
Turk: 'Cause she got big-ass boobies!
Carla: No, no, no. Because he likes being miserable.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Oh, you seem real crushed! I mean, you jumped into bed with Danni so quick you didn't have time to change the sheets!
J.D.: You know I only have one set.
Elliot: Look, J.D., can I ask you a favor?
J.D.: Could I ask you one?
Elliot: Sure, anything. What is it?
J.D.'s Narration: Damn, I don't have one.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Now I'm gonna let my husband-to-be tell you what life's really all about, because he has more of this than any man I know.
Turk: Archie comics?
Carla: No, the other thing.
Turk: Oh, that's right - integrity.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: (To Sean, who is kissing Elliot) You've got something on your face.
Sean: What?
J.D.'s narration: The love of my life.
J.D.: You got it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

J.D.'s narration: I was so mad at Elliot I couldn't sleep last night. Also Danni snores like a gutted wild bore, but mostly it was the Elliot thing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: Dude, ignore her. That's three years in a row - who's feeling you?
J.D.: You be.
 • Rating: Unrated

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