Scrubs Season 4 Quotes
Dr. Cox: Just a quick question. Why is it an accident, when he's with you, but when Jack gets hurt on my time, it's because I'm not careful enough?
Jordan: Because, I...
Dr. Cox: Oh dear God, you're speechless. I won! I won an argument! Jack, it's unprecedented. We'll be at the playground drinking beer. Oh God, we love beer!
Carla: Oh, it's so nice to get out. Oh, hey do you know who sings this song?
J.D.: No, but I can tell you who doesn't sing it. Billy Joel, who brought us such hits as "Uptown Girl" and "Matter of Trust". And speaking of trust, do you know who's really trustworthy? Turk. I call him Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey Trust Trust. A little nickname.
J.D.: That is the most ridiculous hat I've ever seen.
J.D.'s narration: And I must have it.
Jack: Flip.
Jordan: Flip? What does flip mean, Perry?
Dr. Cox: Jack probably thinks that Mommy and Daddy are being a little too sarcastic with each other.
Janitor: Maybe. Or, it's because every time he says "Flip", Daddy does a little trick where he grabs Jack by the ankles, he flips him upside down, he drops him down onto his shoulders, and then puts him in a little baby trapeze, shoots him across the sandbox without a net.
Alright, fine. I'm a little rougher than you are, but guess what? The two of us have two distinctively different parenting styles. You're an overbearing hypercautious psychotic, and I'm... well, you know... fun? And I think if we could meet somewhere in the middle, I think Jack's going to be terrific! And besides, it's not like I ever put him in any real danger.
Dr. Cox
J.D.: Yes it is! It's a friend kiss and we will never talk about this to anyone ever!
Elliot: What's going on?
J.D.: Nothing.
Carla: J.D. and I kissed.
J.D.: Carla!
Elliot: You kissed? Like a friend kiss?
J.D.: Yes!
Carla: No!
J.D.: Carla! You're killing me!
Elliot: I'm such a horrible person. I mean, there I was, up on my high horse about Mr. Gerst and then I just turned out to be just as bad as everyone else.
Dr. Kelso: Sweetheart, give yourself some credit. You're much worse than everyone else.
Jordan: I normally never let people touch him.
Janitor: Oh really? Because these photographs would beg to differ. Old lady, kissing Jack. Teenage girl, hugging Jack. Homeless man, holding Jack.
Dr. Cox: Jordan!
Jordan: That's just Carl. He holds Jack when I get a bikini wax!
Turk: There you are. Hey Ted. So how'd it go last night?
J.D.: Whoa! What's with the fifth degree?
Turk: Don't you mean third degree?
J.D.: No, because this is two degrees worse. I can't breathe, it's like you're all over me. I'm trapped in a death coffin.
Elliot: I'm going to try to better myself, and unlike you, I'm going to follow through, Mr. "Sign up on the Hospital Bulletin Board for Private German Lessons and then Never Show Up"! Yeah, that's right. That was my flyer! I waited at that coffee shop for hours.
Dr. Kelso: I broke up with my German mistress. She smelled like sauerkraut.
Elliot: I'm so sorry.
Carla: J.D., you're drunk!
J.D.: Carla, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Elliot: I have to tell you a story. When I was in the seventh grade, I was at a roller rink and I needed to go to the bathroom. So I just skated right on into a stall and I did my, uh, private business. And then when I went to pull up my pants, I started rolling towards the door, which as it turned out wasn't latched. Now, I don't know if you've had any experience roller skating with your underpants around your ankles--it's very difficult to stop. Unless of course, you know, you scream so loud that they turn off the music and everyone is looking at you. Anyway, that's how I wound up with the nickname "Roller Moler".
Gerst: I'm sorry?
Elliot: I have a mole on my ass. The cute kind! Not the hairy kind.
