Scrubs Season 4 Quotes
Elliot: Poor Mr. Gerst. I wonder what that's like, to have an erection for nine hours.
Todd: Ask me in twenty minutes.
J.D.: Dr. Cox, got here as soon as I-
Dr. Cox: Shut it, Newbie. Your blacker half is trying to concentrate.
J.D.: How are you holding up?
Turk: I'm a little nervous.
J.D.: Well, now you make me all nervous.
J.D.'s Narration: We all held our breath together.
Dr. Cox: The surgeon lives!
(The Todd faints)
J.D.: The Todd forgot to breathe again. Starting CPR.
Elliot: Mr. Gerst, what seems to be the problem?
Gerst: I took some pills.
Elliot: Come on, help me out here. Were they happy pills, sad pills, sleepy pills, wake up pills, sane pills, pain pills, brain pills, Spain pills...
Gerst: Man pills? The commercial says I should consult a physician if the condition persists for more than four hours.
Elliot: If what persists?... Oh! Um... Let's just say you took uppers.
J.D.'s Narration: In my four years there have been many emergencies at Sacred Heart, but none like this one, because today-
J.D.: Where is he?
J.D.'s Narration: Dr. Cox's son needed two stitches!
J.D.: I wish I knew how it was going. Sorry about your hogs, fellas. Enjoy the free espressos... Warlord, I told you to sip it. Use your words.
Warlord: Warlord... burn mouth.
J.D.: Yeah he did, because he wasn't listening. Napkin on your lap, Satan's Valet. Thank you.
Carla: Turk, why are you wearing pajamas?
Turk: Uh, I really want you to come home and on the off chance you said yes, I'd be ready to snuggle. And that would hopefully lead to but not necessarily require relations of the intimate nature.
Elliot: Oh, get this. He doesn't even have erectile dysfunction. I mean, why would you take those drugs if you didn't need them?
Dr. Cox: What's this? Why, it's a dummy-gram. And it's addressed to you, Barbie. Let's read it and find out what's in there. "You are disturbingly naive. Stop. Almost fifty percent of ED drugs are taken by recreational users. Stop."
Elliot: That can't be true.
Dr. Cox: Everyone. Would you go ahead and close your eyes for a second? Great. Now, would all the men in the room who've tried Mr. Happy pills go ahead and grab your fork and bang your glass.
(The cafeteria is filled with the sound of banging)
Dr. Cox: Thank you!
(The banging stops, except for one lone man)
Elliot: Ted! Everyone stopped.
Ted: Oh. Dammit!
Janitor: Well, I hope you realize this means war.
Dr. Cox: Ah, buzz off, you big monkey.
Turk: That's why I need you to go in.
J.D.: No way, dude. It's never smart to get in the middle of someone else's relationship.
Turk: I'll let you wear my top hat.
Turk: Dude, she's got this whole trust issue with me.
J.D.: Just tell her she can trust you.
Turk: I did. But apparently if I'm the one she didn't know she could trust, how's she supposed to trust she can trust me telling her she can trust me?
J.D.: My head hurts.
Turk: Yeah, mine did too.
Intern: That guy needs to do some serious thinking about baseball.
Todd: He wouldn't even let me see it.
Elliot: Hey meathead! Oh good, you both looked. Now, Mr. Gerst came here for help, and we're doctors, so how about we try and treat him with at least a little bit of dignity and respect, okay?
Dr. Kelso: That man is a human sundial!
