My name is Bill. I might be the last person you ever see.

Bill

(to George) You're wearing the chocolate shirt!

Jerry

Oh, fire engines, ambulances all along the runway. And then, when we landed safely, they all seemed so...disappointed.

Jerry

Yeah, I eat the whole apple. The core, stem, seeds, everything.

Kramer

(to Jerry) I'm offering you 53 channels, movies, sports, nudity, and it's free for life!

Kramer

George: Someday, before I die, mark my words I'm gonna tell that woman exactly what I think of her. I'll never be able to forgive myself until I do.
Jerry: And if you do?
George: I still won't be able to forgive myself, but at least it won't be about this.

Man, it's the ninetiesit's Hammer time!

Kramer

Jerry: Explain to me how this baby shower thing works.
Elaine: What do you wanna know?
Jerry: Well, I mean, does it ever erupt into a drunken orgy of violence?
Elaine: Rarely.

Every woman on the face of the Earth has complete control of my life and yet, I want them all. Is that irony?

George

Sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason.

Jerry

George: Bust of Nelson Rockefeller?Jerry: Too gubernatorial.

Kramer: What are you guys going to do today?Elaine: This... and that.Jerry: And the other!

Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes

George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
Jerry: Projectionists.
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
George: Right.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.

I'm lactose intolerant. I have no tolerance for lactose and I won't stand for it!

Jerry