Seinfeld

Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 2 Episode 8: "The Heart Attack"

George: I've been going to the doctors my whole life and what's it got me? I'm thirty-three years old, I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty and I'm already facing the problems of old age.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

George: I went from having orgasms immediately to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a nice, medium orgasm.
Jerry: I never had a really good pickle.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Tor: Kramer tells me you're looking for an alternative to surgery.
George: Yes. Yes I am.
Tor: (blows in George's face and then flicks his hair) I think we can help you.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jerry: (reading his note) 'Fax me some halibut.' Is that funny? Is that a joke?
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

George: Why can't I have a heart attack? I'm allowed.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Jerry: Couch grass and cramp bark? You know, I think that's what killed Curly.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Elaine: A kiss? With the tongue? The glossa with the bumps and the papillae? Yuck, I don't think so.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: That's it! Flaming globes of Sigmund! Flaming globes of Sigmund! That's my note! That's what I thought was so funny? That's not funny. There's nothing funny about that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Elaine: Hi, George, how you feeling? Is anybody getting your apartment?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 7: "The Revenge"

Jerry: The best revenge is living well.
George: There's no chance of that.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

George: I'm gonna slip him a "mickey."
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

George: What about like an announcer? Like a color man? You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game?
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: So? What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and, ya know, people in broadcasting.
George: That's really not fair.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: You got a "mickey" source?
 • Rating: Unrated

George: This is just like what they do in the movies.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: My guys don't know your guys! You can't just lock 'em all in the same machine together! They'll start a riot!Kramer: Have you ever met my guys?Jerry: No, I can't say as I have.Kramer: We-ell!
 • Rating: Unrated

Newman: Kramer!
Kramer: Oh! That's Newman.
Newman: I'm on the roof!
Kramer: Well? What are you waiting for?
Kramer: You wanna shoot some pool tonight?
Newman: I can't, I'm goin' to the movies.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: I like horses. I could be a stable boy.
(thinking)
George: Nah, it's probably a union thing.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kramer: Well Newman jumped last night.
Jerry: What? Did you talk to him? What did you say?
Kramer: I said 'Wave when you pass my window.'
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: (about the laundromat's "Not Responsible For Items Lost Or Stolen" sign) Oh, I see, so you put up a sign and you can steal whatever you want. You're not a part of society.
Laundromat Owner: That's right, cause this is my country, I'm the president, and that's my constitution: "I'm not responsible."
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: (about a suicidal friend) What am I supposed to do? Tell him how much there is to live for? Why should I lie to the guy?
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Seinfeld" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!