If my brother is sent to jail I'm going to set a van on fire and make sure you're inside of it, you little pixie.

Fiona

• Permalink: If my brother is sent to jail I'm going to set a van on fire and make sure you're inside of...
• Rating: Unrated

Liam, come in here and rub your baby mother's feet.

Sissy

• Permalink: Liam, come in here and rub your baby mother's feet.
• Rating: Unrated

Customer: Frank, your piss is brown.
Frank: It is brown.

• Permalink: It is brown.
• Rating: Unrated

Geneva: You are putting lives at risk, kids want Gay Jesus.
Fiona: Well, they can't have him, he belongs with his family.

• Permalink: Well, they can't have him, he belongs with his family.
• Rating: Unrated

V: Who's that?
Kev: Probably a Gallagher.

• Permalink: Probably a Gallagher.
• Rating: Unrated

Sister Francis: Amy brought this in for show-and-tell day today.
[Sister Francis waves a dildo at Kev and V.]
V: That's weird.
Kev: I wonder where she got that from.

• Permalink: I wonder where she got that from.
• Rating: Unrated

Fiona: Hi, is Ford here?
Patty: Do you know what time it is?
Ford: What's going on? Fiona ... I got this, Patty.
Fiona: Patty? Yes ... you said Patty was your mother.
Patty: I'm his wife.

• Permalink: I'm his wife.
• Rating: Unrated

Fiona: Adult shit, okay.
Debbie: Fuck that, I’m not a kid. I have a kid.

• Permalink: Fuck that, I’m not a kid. I have a kid.
• Rating: Unrated

Oh, no way! Talk a bear! That monster threw out Talk a bear.

Kev

• Permalink: Oh, no way! Talk a bear! That monster threw out Talk a bear.
• Rating: Unrated

No, hell no, over my god damn dead body. You think I’m getting pregnant again?

V

• Permalink: No, hell no, over my god damn dead body. You think I’m getting pregnant again?
• Rating: Unrated

Social Worker: This is Santiago. Doesn't speak a word of English.
V: Great.
Kev: No problemo.

• Permalink: No problemo.
• Rating: Unrated

Frank, would you fertilize my eggs?

Ingrid

• Permalink: Frank, would you fertilize my eggs?
• Rating: Unrated