Fiona: No, I have to tell you something.
Gus: What's wrong?
Fiona: I slept with my ex.
Gus: You slept with...Since we've been married?
Fiona: Yesterday.
Gus: We had sex yesterday.

You did okay, Mickey. You know, you tried. That's a lot more than most people would do.


Lip: Hey. You Gus?
Gus: Yeah.
Lip: Hey, I'm Lip. Brother. Don't fuck this up cuz she's really great, alright?

Jimmy/Steve: Do you love him?
Fiona: You don't get to ask me that.
Jimmy/Steve: I love you.
Fiona: Fuck you.

Alright shithead, this is like the two hundredth time I'm calling and you not picking up. I'm starting to get fucking homicidal. Call me the fuck back, Ian. I'm worried about you. I love you. Call me back.


Lip: What the fuck is he doing here?
Fiona: I have no idea.
Jimmy/Steve: Hey Lip, how you been?
Lip: I thought you were married?
Fiona: I am.
Sami: You're married?
Fiona: Uh huh.
Debbie: What? To who?
Lip: To Gus.
Carl: The musician?
Sami: Is that Gus?
Debbie: No, that's Jimmy.
Sami: Who's Jimmy?
Debbie: Her old boyfriend.
Sami: Then who's Gus?

Hey, I need to borrow your car. Ian just stole a baby.

Lip [to Amanda]

What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to sit on my porch knitting, hoping one day you'd show back up. You disappeared. Gone. Nothing.

Fiona [to Jimmy/Steve]

Mickey: Where'd you get this?
Ian: From the producer of the movie.
Mickey: What movie?
Ian: I did a porno.
Mickey: You did a what?

Lip: You got married?
Fiona: Yeah.
Lip: Fuck. To who?
Fiona: Gus.
Lip: Who the fucks Gus?
Fiona: I've mentioned him before.
Lip: Yeah in passing. Jesus, married? Are you happy or---
Fiona: Do I seem happy?

South side, huh? Fucking knew it. College bitch.

Mickey [to Lip]

I'm just as fucking south side as you are.

Lip [to Mickey]

Shameless Quotes

Cuz when you focus on other people's problems, it's a lot easier to ignore your own.

Sean [to Fiona]

Lip: What exactly does hooked up mean?
Kevin: Last I checked penis goes into the vagina.