(Gun fires at Kenny)
Stan: Oh my God, they've killed-!
Kenny: Mrph, mrph umph umly umh maphet (Oh, it was only my jacket.)
Stan: God dammit!

• Permalink: Oh my God, they've killed-! Mrph, mrph umph umly umh maphet ...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Move along people, there's nothing to see here.

Officer Barbrady

• Permalink: Move along people, there's nothing to see here.
• Added: February 16, 2010

Bookmobile Driver: How did you know I would strike here?
Officer Barbrady: By reading Teetle the Timid Taxidermist.
Bookmobile Driver: You did?! Really?! Then it worked! My whole plan worked absolutely perfectly!
Stan: What are you talking about, dude?
Bookmobile Driver: When I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read, I knew I had to motivate him somehow. So I formulated a plan to encourage him to learn the magic of reading!
Kyle: So you f**ked a bunch of chickens?

• Permalink: How did you know I would strike here? By reading Teetle the Ti...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Do you know what the speed limit is hee-yah?

Cartman

• Permalink: Do you know what the speed limit is hee-yah?
• Added: February 16, 2010

Darn it! What heck is wrong with you Barbrady? All you say is "Move along people nothing to see here" and "Case closed."

Man

• Permalink: Darn it! What heck is wrong with you Barbrady? All you say is Mo...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Keep your eyes peeled boys, someone's going to make love to this chicken any second now.

Officer Barbrady

• Permalink: Keep your eyes peeled boys, someone's going to make love to this...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Officer Barbrady: Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of s**t, I am never reading again.

• Permalink: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garba...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Mr. Garrison: Yes officer, what is it?
Officer Barbrady: I need to go poopy.
Mr. Garrison: Officer Barbrady, we go to the bathroom before and after class.
Officer Barbrady: Aw Christ! How do you kids do it?

• Permalink: Yes officer, what is it? I need to go poopy. Officer Barbrad...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Cartman: HA! (whacks the Bookmobile driver)
Bookmobile driver: Ow, that hurt!
Stan: Whoa dude! Cartman!
Officer Barbrady: No, that is not how you uphold the law!
Cartman: But he is not listening to my authoritah!
Officer Barbrady: Oh, you're doing it all wrong my little friend. You do it like this. (whacks the bookmobile driver in the head) You gotta get them in the head; they go down quicker.

• Permalink: HA! Ow, that hurt! Whoa dude! Cartman! No, that is not ho...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Voice Box: May I help you?
Officer Barbrady: I'll have two cheeseburgers and some jalapeno poppers.
Voice Box: There's just one problem: we're a bank.

• Permalink: May I help you? I'll have two cheeseburgers and some jalapeno ...
• Added: February 16, 2010

(on being told the "fast-food restaraunt" is actually a bank)
Officer Barbrady: Well I know that! What do you think I am? Stupid?
Teller: Yep.

• Permalink: Well I know that! What do you think I am? Stupid? Yep.
• Added: February 16, 2010

Teedle... the.. timid.. taxidermist... loved to go to the.... Oh goddamn, reading is lame!

Officer Barbrady

• Permalink: Teedle... the.. timid.. taxidermist... loved to go to the.... Oh...
• Added: February 16, 2010