South Park

South Park Season 3 Quotes

Season 3 Episode 17: "World Wide Recorder Concert"

Stan: Whoa! Mr. Hat and Mr. Mackey are fighting.
Mr. Mackey: I'm gonna kick your ass. M'kay?
(children cheering)
Ms. Crabtree: BE QUIET BACK THERE!
(children settle down)
Mr. Mackey: You may have won this time Mr. Hat.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison Sr.: God Dammit! I'm not going to molest you!
Mr. Garrison: YOU DON'T LOVE ME! (Mr. Garrisons cries as he rushes up the stairs)
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Mackey: M'kay. That sounded great kids.
Mr. Garrison: Sure, if you like the sound of a peacock getting its neck broken.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Mackey: Garrison, I know this is very difficult, m'kay, but I must ask. Is there a history of sexual abuse in your family?
Mr. Garrison: Some, yes. There was my Uncle Richard. Hehe molested me.
Mr. Mackey: When was that?
Mr. Garrison: Saturday. Lastlast Saturday.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Mackey: M'kay Mr. Hat, you need to let me talk to Mr. Garrison. M'kay?
Mr. Garrison: (as Mr. Hat) Why would he wanna talk to a second rate, dopey assed, elementary school psychologist!?
Mr. Mackey: What did you say?!
Mr. Garrison: (as Mr. Hat) You heard me, jackass! There's monkeys that make better counselors than you!
 • Rating: Unrated

"Welcome to ARKANSAS. Yes. We are a state." - Sign at Arkansas boarder
 • Rating: Unrated

(after being told that he should molest his son)
Mr. Garrison's Father: Am I the only sane person left on earth?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison: Goddammit, I don't think you children have been working on your fingering!
Cartman: That's not true, Mr. Garrison. Kyle's been working on his fingering with his mom all night long.
(Kenny laughs)
Kyle: Shut up, fatass!
Cartman: No seriously, Kyle's mom said Kyle getting good at fingering.
(Kenny laughs harder and falls out of his chair)
Mr. Garrison: Shut up, Eric!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr.Garrison: (To his father) Sure, you can go out and screw every whore on Rhode Island, but when it came to your own son, you were just TOO BUSY! (Mr.Garrison runs away crying)
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman plays the "brown noise."
Guy Working: Oh my God! I crapped my pants!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Mackey: (talking to Mr. Garrison's dad) Don't lose your son over this, mmkay. Don'tloseyoursonMmkay.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Mackey: Queef is the vaginal discharge of gas.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison Sr.: Would you have sex with your son to save his life?
Man at bar 1: Oh, this is one of them scruples questions ain't it?
Man at bar 2: No, no I got a better one: Would you have sex with your motherto save your father's life?
Man at bar 1: You mean like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said if you don't have sex with her, I'll kill him?
Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said "have sex with your mother or I'm gonna kill your father while having sex with you, I would have sex with myself.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Mackey: Queef is the expulsion of gas from vagina. Mmkay?
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Mackey: Mmkay. Mr. Garrison you're just having a hard time dealing with the memories of your father's sexual abuse, so you switched personalities to Mr. Hat. Mmkay.
Mr. Garrison: Oh good one Sherlock. Did you figure that one out all by yourself?
 • Rating: Unrated

New York Kid: Are all redneck queefs from Colorado as stupid as yous?
Kyle: All right d**khole
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison Sr.: What? I never sexually abused you!
Mr. Garrison: I know! I want to know why not!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: WHAT!?
Mr. Garrison: Was it because I was ugly?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Oh my God!
Mr. Garrison: It was because I wasn't good enough wasn't it?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: I...no!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stan: What's Arkansas? Is that a state?
 • Rating: Unrated

Mrs. Garrison: That's not true! Your father loved youoften.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 16: "Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus"

Jesus: Father, everyone is starting to pay attention to me again because of the new millennium. I-I'm kinda making a comeback!
God: Yea, like John Travolta before you, you are experiencing a second revival.
 • Rating: Unrated

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