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South-park

Queef is the expulsion of gas from vagina. Mmkay?

Mr. Mackey

Stan: I have it! I have the question. Now you have to answer me once and for all! How come I haven't gotten my period yet?!
(everyone is speechless)
God: My child, you are a boy. Boys do not get periods. That is only for girls. You're friends were bleeding a little bit out of their asses due to an acute colon infection, and you're friend Kyle simply lied about it.
Kyle: Hey, how'd he know that?!
God: You will hit puberty when the time is right, but you will never have a period because you are a man with titties.

(reporter) Well, Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas at what is quickly becoming known as 'the gayest party ever.'

Craig Nezzo

Jesus: Father, everyone is starting to pay attention to me again because of the new millennium. I-I'm kinda making a comeback!
God: Yea, like John Travolta before you, you are experiencing a second revival.

Rod Stewart: Poop pants.
Jesus: What?
Rod Stewart: Poop pants.
Jesus: You pooped your pants? Nurse, Mr. Stewart has apparently pooped his pants.
Nurse: Again? Now, Mr. Stewart, what did we say about trying to hold in Mr. Dookie?

My worry is that he could've been following some kind of crazy new fad. Perhaps the children are all shoving tampons up their ass because they've seen the Backstreet Boys doing it on TV or something.

Doctor

Santa: Ok Jesus, here's one you might remember. (begins singing Duran Duran's "Rio") Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand. Just like that river twistin' through the dusty land.
Jesus: Uh. Santa, Santa, Santa, that's not a Christmas song.
Santa: I know, but there's, like, 300 Jesus Christmas songs and only four f***ing Santa ones!

Shelly is starting to get pissed, on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day. Shelly got up and killed the turds on Christmas day in the morning!

Shelly (<i>singing</i>)

Cartman's Oh Holy night:
Cartman: And, O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Savior's b-b-b-birth.
O holy night! The something something distant
It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie.
Jesus was born and so I get presents.
Thank you, Jesus for being born.
(Whooo-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Fall
(Fa-a-a-a-alllll)
On your knees!
(On your knees)
And, hear
(Can't you heaaar)
The angel's... something
(Voices!)
O night
(O night!)
Divine
(Divine!)
The night when I get presents;
(O-o-o)
O night
(O night!)
Beeef-caaakkkeee, O night;
O night devine!
Ehh.. chmm

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