South Park

South Park Season 3 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 3 Episode 14: "The Red Badge of Gayness"

Stan: (after Kenny was killed by a flare) Oh, my god! They killed Kenny!
Grandpa: You bastards!
Kyle: (to Grandpa) Hey!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: Now I believe you guys are going to be my slaves for a month.
Kyle: You cheated Cartman, and the bet was that the South won the Civil War and the South still didn't win the Civil War, fat ass.
Stan: Yeah, too bad you're such a dumb ass in history or you would've known.
Cartman: I hate you guys; I hate you guys so much.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman's Letter: I will not rest until the South have won, and Stan and Kyle are my slaves, because I hate those guys. I hate those guys with every part of my tired Confederate body.
 • Rating: Unrated

President Clinton: Boys, as president of the United States, I wanna commend you for stopping the rebel uprising.
Stan: Don't touch me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Ready? 1, 2, 3, 4!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny start playing the flutes and drum as they march. Cartman starts beating the drum.)
Cartman: Yeah! Do you like to rock?! I like to rock! Hello, Baltimore!
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!
Cartman: I'm playing the drum!(He continues to beat the drum.)
Kyle: You're not supposed to beat the drum, you hit it!
Cartman: You don't hit a drum! You gotta beat the (bleep) out of it! (He starts to beat the drum again.) Shut your pie-hole! I'll kick your ass, you (bleep) drum!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Al Gore: Wow, there's quite a crowd out there.
Aide: Yeah. It's like the million man march, except there really are a million people out there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 13: "Starvin' Marvin in Space"

Cartman: (as Tom Brokaw) Good day, gentlemen. I'm here to get the big story, the big scoop. I have just found out that you have found some kind of ship from an alien race. Seeing that I am Pulitzer Prize winning Tom Brokaw
Executive 1: Look, kid. Did you think this was going to fool anybody? You don't look anything like Tom Brokaw?
Cartman: What? Dare you question my integra-tah?
Kyle (from inside): I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't have a mustache, fat ass.
Cartman: Whooh, I had some bad burritos today.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison: The hare-krishnas are totally gay!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Pat Robertson: (slowly stuttering through the technical lingo) Now stay with me on this one folks. Sally Struthers has a Tiberian junker, which is the favored ship of the Huts, and she has trapped our new CBC ship in a, uh, positronic tractor beam. So we're going to need an ionic tractor disruptor. Not a regular ionic tractor disruptor, but a negative ionic tractor disruptor to help spread the word of Jesus. (mutters) I look like a f---in idiot up here.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marklar: You Marklars must leave.
Missionary: But you will all burn forever in eternal hellfire!
Marklar: Yes, that's nice, thank you for stopping by.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stan: Maybe we'll come and visit sometime.
Cartman: Yeah, and maybe Jesse Jackson will be president.
 • Rating: Unrated

CIA member: I need to talk to you, you, you, and you. (points to Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny)
Mr. Garrison: Now what have you little bastards done?
Cartman: It was Kyle who went #2 in the urinal!
Kyle: Shut up, fat ass!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marklar Leader: I am Marklar, leader of the Marklar.
Stan: Uh, cool. My name is Stan and I'm the leader of Earth.
Marklar Leader: Marklar to you.
Stan: Cool!
Cartman: Ey! I'm the leader of Earth!
Stan: Screw you, Cartman! I called leader first!
Cartman: Well, you can call leader 'til your ass bleeds, but that doesn't make it true!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marklar Leader: You see we call everything Marklar.
Kyle: Doesn't that get confusing?
Marklar Leader: No, not at all. Hey Marklar!
Marklar: Yes Marklar.
Marklar Leader: You see!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marvin: (series of clicking sounds)
Missionary: No no Marvin. Speak in God's language...English.
 • Rating: Unrated

(none of the Ethiopians want to read the Bible)
Missionary: Remember... (pulls down a screen and points to it) reading the Bible plus accepting Jesus equals food.
(all the Ethopians start reading the Bible)
 • Rating: Unrated

Federal Agent: Earlier this morning, an ethnic child was seen piloting an alien space craft over Chinese airspace.
Cartman: Cool!
Federal Agent: Cool?! That ship has enough plutonium on board to vaporise a small city. Is that "cool"?
Stan: Yeah.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Wait, wait, I think I can explain this whole thing. Marklar, these Marklars want to change your Marklar. They don't want this Marklar or any of his Marklars to live here, because it's bad for their Marklar. They use Marklar to try and force Marklars to believe their Marklar. If you let them stay here, they will build Marklars and Marklars, they will take all your Marklars and replace them with Marklar. These Marklars have no good Marklar to live on Marklar, so they must come here to Marklar. Please, let these Marklars stay where they can dwell and prosper without any Marklars, Marklars or Marklars.
Alien: Young Marklar, your Marklars are wise and true.
Christian woman: What the hell did he say?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 12: "Hooked on Monkey Phonics"

Butters: You should stop being such a smart-mouthed, Mr. Know-It-All!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mark: Now look at her, she's a goddamned whore, Papa.
 • Rating: Unrated

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