The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

This is great. Not only am I not learning, I'm forgetting stuff I used to know.

Milhouse

Principal Skinner: Dirksen, tuck in your shirt. Jaffee, spit out that gum!
Leopold: You really think it's a good idea to give that freak his job back?
Superintendent Chalmers: Aw, he seems to know the students' names.

Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, let me get this straight. They let everybody out of school early just because you brought a dog?
Bart: Well, yeah, but--
Homer: Well, I'm off to work. (picks up the dog)

Army Recruit #1: Hey, where do I get my grenades at?
Army Recruit #2: They don't have them group toilets here no more, do they?

Bart: Hey, what's this?
Principal Skinner: Oh, that's my old unit from Vietnam. I was their sergeant, they were my loyal troops. (photo shows Skinner saluting and his men scowling at him) That photo was taken shortly before I was shot in the back which was very strange because it was during a Bob Hope show. I was trying to get Joey Heatherton to put on some pants, for God's sake.

Milhouse: Bart, look! It's Principal Skinner. And I think he's gone crazy he's not wearing a suit or tie or anything!
Bart: Principal Skinner? Um, I'm real sorry about my dog getting you fired, and biting you, and then getting it on with your leg.

Principal Skinner: What's he doing here?
Bart: Well once he found out we were going to get Ned Flanders fired, he insisted on helping.
Homer: That is true.

Bart: My dog's name is Santa's Little Helper. One time he crawled under the house and when he came out he was covered with ants. Then he ran into a church and drank all the holy water.
The Class: Wow!

Bart: Boys and girls, Mrs. Krabappel, I come before you today to solve a riddle that has plagued mankind for centuries: What has four legs and ticks?
Milhouse: A walking clock?
Nelson: A walking clock!
Martin: I'd wager he has some variety of walking clock in that box!
Edna: Bart, is it a walking clock?
Bart: What?.....No, it's my dog.

Nelson: The ingredients were: fresh pureed tomatoes, water, salt, and sodium benzoate used to retard spoilage. Once again, if I'm not mistaken, this can contained tomato paste.
Edna: Thank you, Nelson. I look forward to seeing it again next week.

Principal Skinner: (Over phone) I know Weinstein's parents were upset Superintendent, but I was sure it was a phony holiday. I mean, it sounds so made-up: Yom kip-pur!

Thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion!

Superintendent Chalmers
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 27 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 19 Quotes

Principal Skinner: (Over phone) I know Weinstein's parents were upset Superintendent, but I was sure it was a phony holiday. I mean, it sounds so made-up: Yom kip-pur!

(After watching the clips of the home video)
Bart: Ha ha ha ha. They're going to eat this up at show and tell.
Marge: I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of your classmates laughing at our family's private moments. How would you like it if 20 years from now people were laughing at things you did?
Bart: Not likely. Come on, have a sense of humor about yourself. (Watches the clip of himself on the toilet saying "I'm a big boy today," then Lisa laughs) Uhhhh I gotta find somethin' else quick.