The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 1 Quotes (Page 6)

Season 1 Episode 4: "There's No Disgrace Like Home"

Mr. Burns: Good to see you. Glad you could make it.
Father: Oh, thank you, Mr. Burns. I'm so glad you invited us.
Son: Not me. I had to miss little league for this.
Father: Quiet, Tom.
Mr. Burns: Oh please, please, don't fight. Just go out back and have a good time. (to Smithers) Fire that man, Smithers. I don't want him, or his unpleasant family to ruin my picnic.
Smithers: He'll be gone by the tug-of-war, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Now look, you know and I know this family needs help, professional help. So I've made us an appointment with Dr. Marvin Monroe.
Bart: The fat guy on TV?
Lisa: You're sending us to see a doctor who advertises on pro wrestling?
Homer: Boxing Lisa, boxing. There's a world of difference.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: To save this family, we're going to have to make the supreme sacrifice.
Lisa: No, Dad. Please don't pawn the TV!
Bart: Aw, come on, Dad, anything but that!
Marge: Homer, couldn't we pawn my engagement ring instead?
Homer: Now, I appreciate that honey, but we need $150 here.
Pawn Shop Owner: Afternoon, Simpson. So, what can I do for ya?
Homer: Would you pay $150 for this lovely Motorola?
Pawn Shop Owner: Is it cable ready?
Homer: Ready as she'll ever be.
Pawn Shop Owner: Mister, you got yourself a deal.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Okay, now look; my boss is going to be at this picnic, so I want you to show your father some love and/or respect.
Lisa: Tough choice.
Bart: I'm picking respect.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 3: "Homer's Odyssey"

Homer: You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, "Homer, you're a big disappointment," and god bless her soul, she was really onto something.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sherri: Hey, Bart, our dad says your dad is incompetent.
Bart: What does incompetent mean?
Terri: It means he spends more time yakking and scarfing down doughnuts than doing his job.
Bart: Oh, okay, I thought you were putting him down.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns [to Homer]: You're not as stupid as you look or sound or our best testing indicates.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mrs. Krabappel: Now class, I don't want this field trip to be a repeat of our infamous visit to the Springfield State Prison. So, I want you all to be on your best behavior, especially you, Bart Simpson.
Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I didn't unlock that door!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mrs. Krabappel: Take your seat, Bart.
Bart: Oh, please, Mrs. Krabappel, not next to Wendell. He pukes on every bus ride. No offense, Wendell.
Mrs. Krabappel: Be that as it may, it's the only seat left, so get in there!
(Bart takes his seat next to Wendell.)
Wendell: Please try not to shake the seat like that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: You know, I defy anyone to tell the difference between these doughnuts and the ones baked today. Hey, my boy's supposed to be here any second on a field trip. They been through here yet?
Co-worker: Come on, Simpson. If they wanted the kids to see you sitting around on your butt and stuffin' your face, they'd take them on a tour of your house.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.
Lisa: I don't know what else to do.
Bart: There's only one thing we can do: Take advantage of the old guy. You gotta sign my report card, Dad.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face. I don't care who I have to fight. I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed councilmen, boys and girls, retired people with nothing better to do. Danger comes in many, many forms, from the dinosaurs that tormented our cavemen ancestors, to the--
Councilman: Simpson, get to the point!
Homer: I think we should put a stop sign at "D" street and 12th. The other--
Councilman: All in favor?
Councilmen: Aye.
Councilman: Approved. Meeting adjourned. Coffee and maple logs in the lobby.
Homer: Wow. They listened to me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: There, there, Homer. You'll find a job. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents, and you've always bounced back.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Mr. Burns offers Homer the new job of safety inspector)
Mr. Burns: The generous offer I'm making is good for exactly...30 seconds, Simpson.
Homer's Brain: Me, in charge of safety? This place could blow sky high. Nah. I'll concentrate on my work now. Gee, this guy's desk sure is big. I can't let Marge support the family. This guy's got the cleanest shirt I've ever seen. What should I--.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, time's up.
Homer: Mmm, what the hey. I'll take the job.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 2: "Bart the Genius"

Homer: Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son a genius? How does it happen?
Dr. Pryor: Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of heredity and environment.
(Homer looks confused.)
Dr. Pryor: Although, in some cases, it's a total mystery.
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: Whoever did this is in very deep trouble.
Martin: And a sloppy speller too. The preferred spelling of "wiener" is 'W-I-E-N-E-R', although 'E-I' is an acceptable ethnic variant.
 • Rating: Unrated

Martin: Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort of simpleminded grudge against me. I was merely trying to fend off the desecration of the school building.
Bart: Eat my shorts.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mrs. Krabappel: Now, I don't want you to worry class. These tests will have no affect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success. If any.
 • Rating: Unrated

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