The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Homer: I just want you to know that I love you, Dad.
Grampa: You do?
Homer: Uh-huh.
Grampa: Oh, son, I love you too. Hey, how about a hug?
(Homer and Abe hug)
Homer: Dad!
Grampa: Sonny boy!
Homer: Papa!
Grampa: Junior!
Homer: My old man.
(Homer crosses "Make peace with Dad" on his list.)

Bart: I did go away, mom, I was miles and miles and miles away. Dying in agony in the pits of hell. And you were there! And you, and you, and you... and you I've never seen before!
Homer: (to Lionel Hutz) Yeah who are you anyway? I saw you chasing Bart's ambulance.

Please hold onto the handrail. Do not spit over the side.

Voice from Heaven

One million dollars is a-okay.

Homer

Marge: I'm sorry, but my mother said, if you can't say anything nice about someone, you shouldn't say anything at all.
Homer: Will that hold up in court?
Lionel Hutz: No, I've tried it before.

Lawyer: Your Honor, my client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is, and that he is not like other men.
Mr. Burns: I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!

Homer, I'd like you to forgive me for doing the right thing, we've squabbled over money before. I mean, I know this is different than the time I washed your pants with the 20 in the pocket.

Marge

Hmm, well, to be honest, he seemed a lot more concerned about wrapping Bart in bandages than in making him feel better. And he mispronounced words that even I know, like abdomen... and his office was dirty. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if he was even a doctor!

Marge

Lenny: Hey, Simpson, I heard Mr. Burns crushed your boy!
Homer: Yeah, if I wasn't so spineless, I'd march right into his office right now, and...
Smithers: Simpson! Mr. Burns wants you to march into his office right now
Homer: Uh-oh!

According to this, you're not due to arrive here the next time the Yankees win the pennant; that's nearly a century from now. (Chuckles) Boy, is my face red.

Devil

Lionel Hutz: Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water.
Homer: Ooh, classy.

Lisa: Excuse me, Mr. Hutz. Are you a shyster?
Lionel Hutz: How does a nice little girl like you know a big word like that?

Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 350 in total

The Simpsons Season 2 Quotes

Bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world.

Lance Murdoch

Mrs. Glick: Here, have some ribbon candy. Boys love candy!
Bart: No thanks!
Mrs. Glick: Boys love candy!
Bart: Ueeeh. I think I'd just rather get to work m'am.