The Simpsons Season 2 Quotes
The Devil: Remember: Lie, cheat, steal, and listen to heavy metal music!
Bart: Yes, sir!
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Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. What's that, a broken neck? Great!Lionel Hutz
- Permalink: Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. What's that, a broken neck? Great!
Marge: Is he well enough for me to start mothering him unbearably, doctor?
Hibbert: Mmmm, better let him rest up a while first.
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I always knew you'd change the world... for the better.Homer
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They love, and share.Itchy and Scratchy's New Temporary Opening
They share and love and share.
Love, love, love,
Share, share, share.
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!
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(Homer watches TV)
TV Announcer: It's a tool that every home handy man needs. It's a jigsaw. It's a power drill. It's a wood-turning lathe. It's an asphalt spreader. It's 67 tools in one! How much would you pay for a machine that can do all this?
Homer: (Very interested) One-thousand dollars!
TV Announcer: Oh, don't answer yet.
Homer: Oh, sorry.
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(Helen Lovejoy and Maude Flanders arrive at Marge's doorstep)
Helen: Get dressed, Marge. You've got to lead our protest against this abomination! (Shows Marge a newspaper with the Statue of David on the cover)
Marge: Hmm, but that's Michelangelo's David. It's a masterpiece.
Helen: (Gasps) It's filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body which, practical as they may be, are evil.
Marge: But I like that statue.
Maude: (Gasps) I told you she was soft on full frontal nudity.
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(Homer and Marge visit the Statue of David exhibit)
Homer: Well, there he is. Michelangelo's Dave.
Marge: Hmm, David.
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Is it a masterpiece? Or just some guy with his pants down?Kent
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Krusty: Hi, kids! (Laughs) Guess what, Sideshow Mel?
(Mel slides his whistle) It's time for Itchy and Scratchy!
Krusty: Hey, hey! Settle down boys and girls, or Krusty will have to bring out his old friend, Corporal Punishment again.
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Roger Meyers Jr.: Listen you're so smart, how do we end this picture?
Marge: Hmm... well, what's the problem you're having?
Roger Meyers Jr.: Ok, here it is: Itchy just stole Scratchy's ice cream cone and--
Animator: No, make it a pie. Pies are easier to draw.
Roger Meyers Jr.: Okay, a pie! Anyway, Scratchy is understandably upset.
Marge: Uh huh.
Roger Meyers Jr.: So we figured he could, you know, just grab Itchy and toss him in a bucket of acid.
Marge: Oh, dear!
Roger Meyers Jr.: But then we remembered that this might be interpreted as violence, which is morally wrong now thanks to you. So, what's your big idea? How do we end this?
Marge: Hmm... let's see. Umm... oh! Couldn't Itchy share his pie with Scratchy? Then they would both have pie!
Roger Meyers Jr.: (Looks at the story board) It's different, I'll give you that.
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It's no trouble, I've got a whole garage full of tools I never use!Homer
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Bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world.Lance Murdoch
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Who would have thought that pushing a boy into the girls' lavatory could be such a thrill? The screams! The humiliation! The fact that it wasn't me! I've never felt so alive.Martin
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