The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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Goodbye, Maggie. Stay as sweet as you are. Goodbye, Lisa. I know you'll make me proud. Goodbye, Bart. ... I like your sheets.

Homer

(While Marge appears to be tossing a salad Homer watches the microwave.)
Homer: Is it done yet? Is it done yet?
Marge: Your meatloaf will be ready in eight seconds, Homer.
Homer: D'oh! Isn't there anything faster than a microwave?
(Homer watches dinner cook)
Homer: Four three two one Bing! We have meatloaf!

This is our karaoke bar. Now it is empty but soon it will be hopping with drunken, Japanese business men.

Japanese waitress

(Homer looks over the menu.)
Homer: There's got to be something I haven't tried. Huh? Hey, hey, what's this? Fugu!
Akira: (Gasps.) It is a blowfish, sir. But I should warn you that one-
Homer: Come on, pal. Fugu me!

Toshiro: Master, you are needed in the kitchen.
Master Chef: I said cover for me, damn it!
Toshiro: But, Master, we need your skilled hands.
Master Chef: My skilled hands are busy! You do it!

Ahem. This is a videotape for my daughter Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. Woooooooo! Hee hee hee, hope that didn't scare you. Well, Maggie, you're grown-up now, and unless you taped over this, you're probably wondering what kind of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, a gentle man who loved his children and- (Phone rings) D'oh! Hello! Yeah, he's here, who is this? (Scratches butt) Bart's friend Milhouse? Bart! Get your butt down here!

Homer

Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
Homer: Why you little!
Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?
Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.

Homer: Okay, okay, where do want to go?
Lisa: Anywhere but hamburgers, pizza, or fried chicken!
Homer: Fine! We'll go to Mars!

Homer: If I said `no' the first time, what makes you think I'm going to say `yes' the second time?
Lisa: Nothing, but you may say `yes' the ninety-ninth time.
Homer: Oh? Try me.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: No.
Lisa: Please, Dad.
Homer: Oh, okay, okay.

(Imitating Lisa) Try something new, Homer! What'll it hurt you, Homer? (Regular voice) I never heard of a poison pork chop!

</i> Homer

(Looking at a diagram of the blowfish) Poison poison tasty fish!

Toshiro

(Homer and Barney drive by Mr. Burns, who is sitting on a park bench.)
Homer: Hey, Burns, eat my shorts! (They drive off)
Mr. Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?
Smithers: (Looking through binoculars.) Why, it's Homer Simpson, sir. One of the schmoes from Sector 7G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at nine o'clock Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 350 in total

The Simpsons Season 2 Quotes

Bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world.

Lance Murdoch

Mrs. Glick: Here, have some ribbon candy. Boys love candy!
Bart: No thanks!
Mrs. Glick: Boys love candy!
Bart: Ueeeh. I think I'd just rather get to work m'am.