Marguerite, I leave to fight in Flanders. Stupid Flanders.


Grampa: And I created an alcoholic hippo.
Homer: You never showed it to me!
Grampa: A stupid alcoholic hippo!

Mapple Salesperson: The lightest, most desirable computer in the world, for the next three weeks - the Mapple Void.
Homer: I'll take it, provided you charge me for services that Google offers for free.

I have a thousand friends! And only eight of them are Milhouse!


Man, this website makes talking drunk to my wife so much safer.


Uh-oh. Denise Hibbert keeps liking Bumblebee Man's posts. That's how it starts.


When a guy who loves america cries, it makes him super straight.


The hot dogs spin counter clockwise in fear when you arrive.


They know I'm doing a character. Like Stephen Colbert or Newt Gingrich.


Homer: Do you really need all these Kurt Vonnegut novels?
Lisa: "They self-reference each other!"

I've been acting like a 10 year old the last 30 years, but I swear i'm going to grow up and act 20 like a divorced 40 year old should.


Bloody harry. he brought back beheading in a big way.

My daughter thinks I'm a ruthless tyrant like Hitler or Prince Harry. Homer

The Simpsons Season 23 Quotes

I guess it's not much when you look at real problems in the world like Major League umpires not using instant replay.


What's what the new security guard? He's acting all aloof. By the way, that's my word now - "he's."