Lisa: Sometimes i wish strangling your kid was still legal.
Marge: Not since they passed Homer's Law.

I just like to dress up to eat carrots and smoke.


Homer: How would you like to have future sex?
Marge: Why do you say future this is now?
Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

You can always go back to Michigan. They're still under Sharia law.


Who cares what we look like in whatever stupid year this is.


I'm Santa!? Oh, now I'll never die.


They were kids, and we gave them candy if they laughed! And if they didn't, until the 70s, I hit them with a stick! Some jerk tracked down the kids and made a documentary. It's called "Circus of Shame" or something.


Annie: I was so mad at him, I didn't have sex with a clown for five months!
Homer: What about mimes?
Annie: Come on, I'm not made of stone.

They took my dressing room, my parking space, even my writer, so I don't have a funny third item.


No more TV! We're going to get some fresh air and visit a museum. Of television!


People also lover a quitter. Sarah Palin. The Beatles.


If you ever hear a star's name and wonder, is he dead? The answer is either "I represent him" or "yes."

Annie Dubinksy

The Simpsons Season 23 Quotes

I guess it's not much when you look at real problems in the world like Major League umpires not using instant replay.


What's what the new security guard? He's acting all aloof. By the way, that's my word now - "he's."