The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes
Hoover: Lisa, what nineteenth-century figure was named 'Old Hickory'?
Lisa: I don't know. You?
Hoover: Lisa, if you'd bothered to do the assignment, you'd know the answer is... (flips to answers) The Battle of New Orleans. I mean, Andrew Jackson.
Lisa: Well, you're earning your eighteen grand a year.
Well, I'm going to be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I haven't decided.Lisa
Principal Skinner: Some sick individual has stolen every "Teacher's Edition!"
Teacher: What do we do?
Mrs. Krabappel: Declare a snow day!
Teacher #2: Does anyone know the multiplication table?
Miss Hoover: Now sprinkle your sparkles on your paste. Lisa, you're not sprinkling your sparkles.
Lisa: Shove it.
Lisa: Bart, why did you take the blame?
Bart: Because I didn't want you to wreck your life. You got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money.
Teacher: This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again!
Skinner: Oh, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glascock.
Dr. Pryor: Here's your scientifically selected career.
Kid: Insurance salesman,
Ralph: Salmon gutter?
Milhouse: Military strongman.
Martin: Systems analyst. Systems analyst.
Dr. Pryor: Systems analyst.
Martin: All right!
Dr. Pryor: Mm-hm. It's like a mommy.
Bart: Police officer? Well, I'll be jiggered.
Bart: Seymour, this is an absent slip signed by Nelson's mother. And this is Nelson's English homework. Notice the identical elongated loops on the d's.
Principal Skinner: Forgery! So he didn't have leprosy!
Burns: You, Strawberry, hit a home run.
Strawberry: Okay, skip.
(hits a home run)
Burns: Ha-ha! I told him to do that.
Smithers: Brilliant strategy sir.
Well, Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while.
Mike Scoscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile.
We're talking softball,
From Maine to San Diego.
We're talking softball,
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw,
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law,
We're talking Ho-mer,
Ozzie, and the Straw!
Hypnotist: You are all very good players
Team: We are all very good players.
Hypnotist: You will beat Shelbyville.
Team: We will beat Shelbyville.
Hypnotist: You will give 110 percent.
Team: That's impossible no one can give more than 100 percent. By definition that's the most any one can give.
Burns: It's a brain and nerve tonic, full of proteins and electromagnetic juices.
Griffey: (takes a sip) Wow! It's like there's a party in my mouth and everybody's invited!