The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes (Page 13)

Season 3 Episode 12: "I Married Marge"

(Dr. Hibbert is performing an ultrasound on Marge. On the monitor, the Bart fetus turns his back to the transducer and wiggles his butt)
Dr. Hibbert: Hmm. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was trying to moon us.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer and Marge get married at Shotgun Pete's)
Minister: Then, by the power vested in my by the state gaming commission, I pronounce you man and wife. Here's ten dollars worth of chips. You may kiss the bride. Next!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (On God) Oh, He's always happy. No, wait...he's always mad.
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: (Interviewing Homer) Now, let's say there's a problem with the reactor--
Homer: There's a problem with the reactor?! We're all gonna die!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
Homer: But Marge, this one came with a corn-cob pipe!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Well, I guess I better go see Dr. Hibbert.
Homer: Oh honey, do you really think you're pregnant?
Marge: Well, I've had the same nausea and craving for pancake mix I did with the other kids.
Homer: Yeah, and I have the same tightness in my chest and the sweating I always get.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Yeah, sure, for you a baby's all fun and games, for me it's diaper changes and midnight feeding!
Lisa: Shouldn't mom do all that stuff?
Homer: Yeah, but I have to hear about it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: It's Homer!
Patty: I don't know what you see in that ugly meatball!
Selma: Uh huh, If you like being pawed by something fat and lazy, we could get a cat.
Jacqueline: It would leave less hair on the couch!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Wow! What an ending. Who would have thought Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker's father!
Guy: Oh thank you Mr. Blow the picture for me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: Who was that young hellcat, Smithers?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I'll remember that name.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: (Writing a letter to Marge) Also, it has become clear that your family doesn't want me here.
Patty: (Off camera) Shut up with that pen scratching down there!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad, we watch an appalling amount of TV.
Homer: Don't you ever, ever talk that way about television!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer and Marge are in the castle at the miniature golf course)
Homer: Someday I'll buy you a real castle.
Marge: Oh, you don't have to do that.
Homer: Whoo, good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: (About Homer) This man not only failed the aptitude test, he got trapped in a closet on the way out.
 • Rating: Unrated

(After Homer rejects other names for boys based on rhyming nicknames)
Marge: What about Bart?
Homer: Let's see. Bart, dart, cart, e-art. Nope can't see any problems with that.
(Missing fart due to only 4 fingers)
 • Rating: Unrated

Selma: Marge, I've got two and a half words for you: Gulp N' Blow.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 11: "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Horst: We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. (Pause) That is all.
 • Rating: Unrated

Horst: Homer, could we have a word with you?
Homer: No.
Horst: I must have phrased that badly. My English is how you say...inelegant. I meant to say may we have a brief, friendly chat?
Homer: No!
Horst: Once again I have failed. (Reading from a German-English phrasebook) We request the pleasure of your company for a free exchange of ideas.
Homer: (Yelling) No!
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: What's wrong sir, did I get some in your eye? The Shampoo specifically said, "No more tears!"
Mr. Burns: Ah, lovely promise but, one beyond the powers of a mere shampoo.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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