The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes (Page 20)

Season 3 Episode 6: "Like Father, Like Clown"

Krusty: Didn't Itchy Junior look happy playing with his father? And didn't Scratchy Junior look happy playing with his dad until they got run over by a thresher?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lovejoy: I do a radio call-in show with him every Sunday night!
Bart: Really?
Lisa: I didn't know that.
Lovejoy: Gee, uh, I mention it in my sermon every week.
Bart: Oh, oh, that radio show!
Lisa: Oh yeah! It's all the kids talk about on Monday at school.
Lovejoy: Oh, well, why don't you have a free t-shirt. You'll be the coolest kids in the playground!
Bart: He, he we'll put 'em on later -- now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Bart, we've been going about this all wrong. What's the one thing Rabbi's prize above everything else?
Bart: Those stupid hats?
Lisa: No, Bart! Knowledge!
 • Rating: Unrated

Krusty: Boys and girls, I'd like to be serious for a moment if I may. Spotlight, please. I just wanted spotlight moves away from Krusty I just wan (spotlight moves away again) Come on guys, I'm not doing the spotlight bit.
 • Rating: Unrated

Krusty: (Singing) Oh Mein Papa, to me he was so wonderful, Oh Mein Papa, to me he was so good, no one could be, so gentle and so loveable, Oh Mein Papa he always understood!
Moe: I've got something in my eye.
Barney: Here, take my hanky.
Moe: Euueeh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Krusty, you don't have to be `on' tonight.
Homer: What are you talking about! Of course he does!
Lisa: No Dad, Krusty is our guest. Your pratfalls and Punchinello antics aren't necessary here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: He's talking funny-talk!
Lisa: No Dad, that's Hebrew! Krusty must be Jewish.
Homer: A Jewish entertainer? Get out of here!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart: Krusty, are you all right?
Krusty: Yes, it's just that saying the bracha brings back a lot of painful memories, the old days, my... my father...
Homer: Hey, Krusty, you going to finish that meatloaf or what?
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Hello, my name's Dimitri. I'm a first-time caller, long-time listener. My question is, if a son defies his father and chooses a career that makes millions of children happy; shouldn't the father forgive the son?
Rev. Lovejoy: I think so.
Msgr. D: Yes, of course.
Rabbi Krustofsky: No way! Absolutely not! Never, never! Who screens these calls? Who's in charge here? There's nobody in charge? They leave a building without people watching it...
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Here you go, Bart. It's a long shot, but that's all I can do without learning ancient Hebrew. (Bart stares at her) Bart! I am not going to learn ancient Hebrew!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Poor Krusty.
Lisa: A man who envies our family is a man who needs help.
 • Rating: Unrated

Rabbi Krustofsky: A rabbi would never exaggerate. A rabbi composes. He creates thoughts. He tells stories that may never have happened. But he does not exaggerate.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 5: "Homer Defined"

Apu: Did you notice that there is a kid on your bus?
Otto: Glad you told me. I was about to go to Mexico.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: One, two, three... Community Chest.... nah, nah... ah! I've won second prize in a beauty contest, collect ten bucks, ha ha, you're losing!
Marge: Bart, don't feed your sister hotels.
Bart: Don't worry, there's tons of these things.
 • Rating: Unrated

Martin: Milhouse, I'd like to express my appreciation for Saturday. Jelly bean basket, personalized noisemakers. But the little touches are what made it enduring!
Bart: What's he talking about?
Milhouse: Uh... Hey! Look at that dog! Isn't that something!
Bart: Wow, brown!
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Okay, okay, don't panic, whosever problem this is, I'm sure they know how to handle it... (realizing) Aah! It's my problem! We're doomed!
 • Rating: Unrated

Smithers: Sir, where's my radiation suit?
Mr. Burns: How the hell should I know? (as he covers the "Smithers" label on the suit he's wearing)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Computer Voice: 90 seconds to core meltdown.
Smithers: Sir there may never be a better time to say...I love you, sir.
Mr. Burns: Well, hot dawg. Thank you for making my last moments on earth socially awkward.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Okay. Okay, think back to your training! (he thinks)
Trainer: Now, Homer, this may very well save your life one-day. This... Homer?
(We see Homer is playing with a Rubik's cube.)
Homer: Yeah?
Trainer: Please, pay attention. This button here controls the emergency override circuit. In the event of a meltdown, push this button and only this button.
Homer: Ooh, a side!
Trainer: Simpson!
Homer: What?
Trainer: You see which button I'm pushing?
Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Push the button. Got it. Stupid cube, this is all your fault.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: So, what did you do this weekend, Smithers?
Smithers: Well, I caught up on my laundry, wrote a letter to my mother, oh, here a kicker, and I took Hercules out to be clipped.
Mr. Burns: Who the devil is Hercules?
Smithers: Oh, he's my Yorkshire terrier, sir. He's kind of tiny, so you know, it's a joke. Here's a picture of Herky. (shows a wallet sized photo of Hercules)
Mr. Burns: Ugh. Well, Smithers, don't you know how to paint the town red!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "The Simpsons" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!