The Simpsons

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Marge: Homer, those were very thoughtful presents, but you have to tell me where you got the money from.
Homer: All right, Marge, I'll tell you, but first you have to promise you will not get mad.
Marge: I promise I will get mad, because I always do when you make me promise I won't.
Homer: All right, if you must know. Lisa and I have been gambling on pro football.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: You promised you wouldn't get mad!
Marge: I did not! She's an eight year old girl!
Homer: Marge, she never loses. Aren't parents supposed to encourage their kids whenever they show talent?
Marge: But gambling is illegal.
Homer: Oh, only in 48 states. Besides, it's a victim less crime. The only victim is Moe!

Marge: Well, do you ever take an interest in anything he does?
Lisa: Well, we used to have burping contests but I outgrew it.

And when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life!

</i> Ralph

Moe: I'm sorry Homer, you can't take any more of my money, I'm out of the bookie business.
Barney: But Moe, you've been taking bets all
Moe: Hey Barney, how bout a free beer!
Barney: Wow!
Homer: Don't worry, Moe, I'm not betting.
Moe: What!? Gimmie that.
Barney: Ooow!

Homer: Oh, well, you like ice cream don't you?
Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: Don't you like ice cream better when it's covered in hot fudge?... and mounds of whipped cream?... choc nuts, and those crumpled up cookie things they put on top! Mmmmcrumpled up cookie things.

Lisa: How's the game going?
Bart: "You hate dad" is up by a touchdown.

TV - Coach: You want some of this don't you?
Homer: Yeah!
TV - Coach: Well, you need to know the winner, and I know the winner! So call me nowwhoah. (speaking faster) Five dollars for the first minute, two dollars for each additional minute!
(Homer calls)
Phone Message: You.... have reached... the... coaches... hot...
Homer: Line...
Phone Message: Line...
Homer: Yeah, lay it on me, coach!
Phone Message: In the game of.... Mi..am..i..
Homer: Mmmhmm.
Phone Message: Versus Cin..
Homer: Cincinnati...
Phone Message: Cin...
Homer: Cincinnati...
Phone Message: nat..
Homer: Cincinnati...
Phone Message: ti...
Homer: Come on, come on, don't you realize this is costing me money!!
Phone Message: We must consider... many... things.... The wind...
Homer: D'oh, not the wind!
Phone Message: Is blowing out of the....west.
Homer: Oow...
Phone Message: At five...
Homer: Miles per hour!!!
Phone Message: miles...
Homer: D'oh, this is ridiculous!

Lisa: Dad, you must have bought me every Malibu Stacy accessory there is!
Homer: Not quite. They were out of Malibu Stacy lunar rovers.

Homer: Boy, I know you're gonna like your present.
Bart's Present: Shuddup, shuddup, kiss my butt, shuddup, go to hell, go to hell!
Bart: Dad, I promise I'll never get tired of this.

Waiter: Hello, I'm Marco, and I'll be your waiter.
Homer: Hello, I'm Homer and I'll be your customer!
Waiter: Hmmhaven't heard that one before.

Uh, mom, could you loosen my blanket a little? Dad tucked me in too tight and it's cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.

Lisa

Lisa: Dad, can I have some money to buy Bart a birthday present?
Homer: Here you go.
Lisa: (Counts the money) Dad, this is $110!
Homer: Oh, sorry. (Gives her the whole wallet)

Displaying quotes 217 - 228 of 489 in total

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Selma: Marge, I've got two and a half words for you: Gulp N' Blow.

Alright, a peanut!

</i> Barney
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