The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes (Page 19)

Season 3 Episode 7: "Treehouse of Horror II"

Moe: (answers phone) Moe's Tavern... Hold on, I'll check. (aloud) Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and... I like to kiss my own butt.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Burns: Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.
Smithers: Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing? Just to throw the fear of God into them?
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat-o-nine-tails!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Burns: Oh, Smithers, I was wrong to play God. Life is precious, not a thing to be toyed with. Now take out that brain and flush it down the toilet!
Smithers: Sir, his family might appreciate it if you returned the brain to his body.
Mr. Burns: Oh, come on, it's 11:45!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: Every bone shattered . . . organs leaking vital fluids . . . slight headache . . . loss of appetite . . . Smithers, I'm going to die.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kodos: It looks like the Earthlings won.
Kang: Did they? Right now they have a board with a nail in it. But they won't stop there. Soon they will make bigger boards with bigger nails until they make a board with a nail in it so big it will destroy them all!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kang and Kodos: Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kang and Kodos: People of Earth! We come to you in the spirit of hostility and menace!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 6: "Like Father, Like Clown"

Homer: Son, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Bart: That's okay, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Homer: Why you little!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: We came to talk to you about your son.
Rabbi Krustofski: I have no son! (Slams door)
Bart: Oh, great, we came all this way and it's the wrong guy.
Rabbi Krustofski: (Re-opens door) I didn't mean that literally! (Re-slams door)
 • Rating: Unrated

Krusty: (singing) We've had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun, but now the time has come... to go. If this old clown was found dead in his bed tomorrow, I'd be in heaven, still doing this show.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Okay Milhouse, how many Krusty autographs should I put you down for?
Milhouse: Uh, a hundred.
Bart: Consider it done. (singing) You're walking along the street or you're at a party! Or else you're alone and then you suddenly dig dig dig. This could be the start of something big.
 • Rating: Unrated

Krusty: Ooh! Sex Chat! (dials)
Voice: You've reached the Party Line! In a moment, you'll be connected to a hot party, with some of the world's most beautiful women! Now, let's join the party!
Krusty: Hello?
Man 1: Hello?
Man 2: Hello?
Apu: Are there any women here?
Krusty: Hello!?
Apu: Are you a beautiful woman?
Krusty: Do I sound like a beautiful woman?
Apu: This is not as hot a party as I anticipated.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Krusty: (reading) Deeee...deee.. dear. Kruuuust. Y?
 • Rating: Unrated

Krusty: (knocks on door and laughs)
Homer: You think it's him?
 • Rating: Unrated

Milhouse: Oh, Hi Bart. I was just in the neighborhood and wha? Krusty the Clown! What a surprise!
Bart: Milhouse. You can come in, and, drop the charade.
 • Rating: Unrated

Krusty: Milhouse, know any knock-knock jokes?
Milhouse: (cries) I wanna go home!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Goodnight Krusty, sorry about your dad!
Krusty: Don't worry about me. I'm a survivor. Hey did I leave my keys inside?
Family: NOO!
Krusty: Oh yeah, here they are.
 • Rating: Unrated

Rabbi: Hello. Hello? Anybody there? What's this, I hear the phone ring, and suddenly there's nothing. I'm listening and there's no talking. Hello, mister, who are you? Why would they call if they don't want to talk to you?
 • Rating: Unrated

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