The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes
Homer: (playing poker, gagging and coughing up poker chips) Ew! Don't try to eat these so called "chips".
Moe: Are you gonna take some cards, or not?
(takes four cards)
Homer: D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Er, I mean, "woo hoo".
Moe: I'm in.
Homer: Aww, I was bluffing.
(lays out cards)
Moe: Ha, ha, ha! Come to papa!
(takes chips and looks at cards)
Moe: What? You have a straight flush, Homer! Ya do this every time! Arrrgh-eeengh-gah! Choking on my own rage here!
What is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as, "the process of removing weeds from one's garden."Homer
Homer: Good news, Lisa! I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement for her that's superior to her in almost every way!
Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.
Homer: Lisa! You will respect your new mother! Now, give her a kiss. Kiss her! (he knocks the plant out of the treehouse) Aah! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! All right, let's get our stories straight she tripped, right?
Homer (wearing a leather jacket): Look everyone. Now that I'm a teacher, I've sewed patches on my elbows.
Marge: Homer, that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed blazer, not the other way around. You've ruined a perfectly good jacket.
Homer: Uh...incorrect, Marge. Two perfectly good jackets.
Annex Manager: We need someone to teach a course on how to build a successful marriage.
Homer: I'll do it! Anything to get me out of that house, away from all that nagging, and noise... uh, of a family of love. Tra-la-la-la!
I can't believe I paid ten-thousand dollars for this class. What the hell was that lab fee for!?Otto
Moe: Hey Homer, why don't you nibble her elbow...that always melts her butter, heh heh.
Marge: Get out! Everyone get out now!
Apu: Ooooh, she's got to have it!
(After an insect falls out of his hair) You think you get them all, but you forget about the eggs.Otto
Homer: Lisa you're smart, help me trick her into taking me back!
Lisa: Dad, you can't trick somebody into loving you. There's a reason two people come together and stay together - there's something they give each other that nobody else can give them. If you wanna get Mom back, you'll just have to remember what you give her that no one else can.
Homer: I'll pay you forty dollars if you think of it for me.
Homer: Okay thirty.
Well, let's just call them... uh, 'Mr. X' and 'Mrs. Y'. So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson!"Homer
Homer: Oh. And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how.
Marge everything is a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this thing? (holds up the bible) -Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.Reverend Lovejoy