The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Mr. Burns: Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.
Milhouse: (to his mom and dad) I hope they win, or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.

Homer: Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there. (She scrapes it down with a broom.)
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but--(Eats waffle)--Mmm... sacrilicious.

Maude: Come on, Ned! Move this thing!
Ned: I can't! It's a Geo!

Marge: Homer! Are you planning to hit Ned Flanders with that pipe and steal his tickets?
Homer: Yeno.
Ned: (answers door) Huh? (Homer ges ready to hit him, but changes his mind)
Homer: Oh. Flanders, I decided I'd like to go to the game with you.
Ned: Well, get out the Crayolas and color me "Tickled Pink". Ooh, what's with the lead pipe, were you going to give my noggin a flogging?
Homer: Well, yeah.
(they both laugh)

It's okay. There's no sugar in Pixie sticks.

Bart

Lenny: Hey, look! Homer's got one of those robot cars.
(Crash)
Carl: One of those American robot cars.

Ned: Homer, I'd love to chitty-chat, but tonight's the night I do my charity work.
Homer: Oh yeah. The judge made me do that once too. Stupid lack of public urinals.

Homer: (chuckling) I did it! Second in line, and all I had to do was miss eight days of work.
Man: With the money you would have made working, you could have bought tickets from a scalper.
Homer: In theory, yes. Jerk.

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever . . . Football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning.
TV Voiceover: Warning, tickets should not be taken internally.
Homer: See, because of me, now they have a warning.

Homer: Why am I such a loser? Why?
Bart: Well, your father was a loser, and his father, and his father ... it's genetic, man. D'oh!

Lisa: What's so special about this game anyway? It's just another chapter in the pointless rivalry between Springfield and Shelbyville. They built a mini-mall, so we built a bigger mini-mall. They made the world's largest pizza, so we burnt down their city hall.
Homer: Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, they swore they'd get us back by spiking our water supply. But they didn't have the guts.
Marge: (drinks the tap water) Ooooh. The walls are melting again.

I'd like to propose a toast to the coming together of the Simpsons and the Flanders. If this were a more perfect world, we'd all be known as the Flimpsons.

Homer
Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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