The Simpsons

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The simpsons

Mr. Burns: Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.
Milhouse: (to his mom and dad) I hope they win, or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.

Homer: Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there. (She scrapes it down with a broom.)
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but--(Eats waffle)--Mmm... sacrilicious.

Maude: Come on, Ned! Move this thing!
Ned: I can't! It's a Geo!

Marge: Homer! Are you planning to hit Ned Flanders with that pipe and steal his tickets?
Homer: Yeno.
Ned: (answers door) Huh? (Homer ges ready to hit him, but changes his mind)
Homer: Oh. Flanders, I decided I'd like to go to the game with you.
Ned: Well, get out the Crayolas and color me "Tickled Pink". Ooh, what's with the lead pipe, were you going to give my noggin a flogging?
Homer: Well, yeah.
(they both laugh)

It's okay. There's no sugar in Pixie sticks.

Bart

Lenny: Hey, look! Homer's got one of those robot cars.
(Crash)
Carl: One of those American robot cars.

Ned: Homer, I'd love to chitty-chat, but tonight's the night I do my charity work.
Homer: Oh yeah. The judge made me do that once too. Stupid lack of public urinals.

Homer: (chuckling) I did it! Second in line, and all I had to do was miss eight days of work.
Man: With the money you would have made working, you could have bought tickets from a scalper.
Homer: In theory, yes. Jerk.

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever . . . Football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning.
TV Voiceover: Warning, tickets should not be taken internally.
Homer: See, because of me, now they have a warning.

Homer: Why am I such a loser? Why?
Bart: Well, your father was a loser, and his father, and his father ... it's genetic, man. D'oh!

Lisa: What's so special about this game anyway? It's just another chapter in the pointless rivalry between Springfield and Shelbyville. They built a mini-mall, so we built a bigger mini-mall. They made the world's largest pizza, so we burnt down their city hall.
Homer: Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, they swore they'd get us back by spiking our water supply. But they didn't have the guts.
Marge: (drinks the tap water) Ooooh. The walls are melting again.

I'd like to propose a toast to the coming together of the Simpsons and the Flanders. If this were a more perfect world, we'd all be known as the Flimpsons.

Homer
Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Kent Brockman: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor: would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.

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