The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 13)

Season 5 Episode 13: "Homer and Apu"

James Woods: Is it true you once worked for 96 hours straight?
Apu: Oh, yes. It was horrible. Near the end, I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind.
James Woods: Oh yeah, you know, I studied your old security tapes.
Apu (on security tape: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Apu: In a few minutes, I try to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.
 • Rating: Unrated

James Woods: But as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet.
Marge: That sounds like a good movie!
James Woods: Yes...yes..uh, a movie...yes.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Man #1: I need one twenty-nine-cent stamp.
Apu: That's a dollar-eighty-five.
Man #2: I'll have two dollars worth of gas.
Apu: Four-twenty.
Martin: How much is your penny candy?
Apu: Surprisingly expensive!
 • Rating: Unrated

Apu: Oh, this time I have gone to far. No, no one will fall for--
Homer: Woohoo! Cheap meat!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kent Brockman: We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Stop being such babies. You can't be afraid to try new things. For instance, tonight I'm using a... Apu, what do you call this thing again?
Apu: A "napkin".
Homer: (Laughs) Outrageous!
 • Rating: Unrated

Grampa: Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three - medium brown.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Apu: (Near the top of a mountain) There she is! The world's first convenience store!
Homer: This isn't very convenient.
Apu: Must you dump on everything we do?
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Apu: Oh, the searing kiss of hot lead, how I've missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Apu sees Homer in the shower with a candy stuck in his chest)
Apu: What's that?
Homer: EhI like to leave it there.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer eats some expired, rancid ham.)
Homer: Oh, stomach churning...bowels clenching...not much time...must finish.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 12: "Bart Gets Famous"

Homer: Oliver Northhe was just poured into that uniform.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: You know, Conan, I have a lot to say. I'm not just a one-line wonder. Did you know that a section of rain forest the size of Kansas is burned every single
Conan: (uninterested) Just do the line.
Bart: (glumly) I didn't do it.
(crowd laughs and cheers)
 • Rating: Unrated

Box Factory Tour Guide: This is the most popular room in the tour.
Milhouse: It's just like the other rooms.
Box Factory Tour Guide: Yes, but with one important difference. (Looks to his side) Oh, they took that out. Yes, it is just like the other rooms.
 • Rating: Unrated

Guard at Krustylu Studios: Do you work here, little boy?
Bart: Yeah.
Guard: Well then! Go right in, sir!
 • Rating: Unrated

Krusty: Bart! I need to use you in a sketch.
Bart: You want me to be on the show?
Krusty: It's just one line. Mel's supposed to say it, but he's dead.
Bart: Dead?!
Krusty: Or sick. I don't know. I forget.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: (after his 15th minute of fame is up) What happened?
Krusty: Oh, don't worry about that. You're just finished, that's all.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Milhouse: (pointing out the window) What's that building over there?
Box Factory Tour Guide: That's just a TV studio where they film Krusty the Clown and other non-box-related programs. Since it has nothing to do with boxes, I'll just shut these blinds.
 • Rating: Unrated

(singing together on the way to the box factory)
Principal Skinner and Martin: Fifty-six boxes of bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-six boxes of bottles of beer, you take one down and pass it around, fifty-five boxes of bottles of beer on the wall!
 • Rating: Unrated

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