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The-simpsons

Apu: Oh, this time I have gone to far. No, no one will fall for--
Homer: Woohoo! Cheap meat!

Man #1: I need one twenty-nine-cent stamp.
Apu: That's a dollar-eighty-five.
Man #2: I'll have two dollars worth of gas.
Apu: Four-twenty.
Martin: How much is your penny candy?
Apu: Surprisingly expensive!

Marge: Ooh, Lisa, is that too spicy for you?
Lisa: I can see through time!

We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat.

Kent Brockman

Customer: This is what I think of your store! (Scrunches up a Twinkie)
Apu: Silly customer! You cannot hurt a Twinkie!

Kent Brockman: And now a message from the Church of Latter-Day Saints.
Dog: (on TV) Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! ...
Lisa: Dad! Are you listening to me?
Homer: Shh, Lisa! the dog is barking!

Uh ... Apu friend me good.

Homer

Lisa: Dad, that's over 10,000 miles away.
Homer: I'm aware of that.
Lisa: That's over 16,000 kilometers.
Homer: D'oh!

Dr. Hibbert: Homer's illness is either caused by ingesting spoiled food, or some sort of voodoo curse.
Patty: (Holding a voodoo doll) Hey, we've just been working the eyes.

Marge: If it weren't for Apu, we'd still be in line at the Monster Mart.
Lisa: And he taught me how to play the shenai. (Plays shenai and terrible sound comes out.)
Homer: (Shudders) That's even worse than the album Grampa released.

"Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart" Lyrics
Apu: You see, whether igloo hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic dome,
There's no structure I have been to, which I'd rather call my home.
Grampa: Hello. (Apu takes his walking stick)Aaah!
Apu: When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.
Maggie with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophize; Bart's adept at spinning lies,
Homer's a delightful fella, sorry about the salmonella.
Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.
(Apu pulls out a chair Grampa was about to sit on and stands on it)
Grampa: Aaah!
Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are Stick-E-Mart,
Lisa: They make Dad Sick-E-Mart,
Bart: Let's hurl a Brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real D'oh!
All: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Simpsons: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Apu: Not me!
Homer: Things wrapped up quite nicely, and much earlier than usual.
Apu: (Apu sorrowfully singing) Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart I dooooo.
Homer: Hey! He lied to us through song, I hate when people do that.

Homer: Your old meat made me sick.
Apu: I am so sorry, sir. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp.
Homer: These shrimp aren't frozen, and they smell funny.
Apu: Okay, ten pounds.
Homer: Woohoo!

Displaying quotes 229 - 240 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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