Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men "The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room" Quotes

Jake: Fruit? That's all you got, fruit?
Evelyn: Don't you ever have fruit for breakfast?
Jake: Well, yeah, Frankenberries.
Evelyn: Oh, well, I'm sorry sweetheart. If I'd known you were coming I would have stocked up on crap.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: And get rid of that welcome mat you put on my front porch. No one's welcome here!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alan: Before we got here, this was just a big empty space where you just sat around, got drunk, and had casual sex with women you don't even care about. There was no love, no family, and no meaning.
Charlie: There's a word for that, Alan: Utopia.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jake: I heard something break.
Charlie: And you're just coming out now?
Jake: I was establishing my alibi.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: Stop going through puberty and we'll talk about it.
Jake: Stop being so cheap and we'll talk about it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: Hard to punish him for telling the truth.
Alan: Wait till he tries on the underwear I bought for him.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: What's that?
Alan: A decorative bowl. I thought it would be perfect to keep our keys in.
Charlie: Well, I don't like it. Take it back.
Alan: But it was on sale.
Charlie: I don't care if you got it free with a subscription to Ugly Bowl Illustrated.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: Decor? You call this decor?
Charlie: What would you call it?
Alan: Random crapola.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: (describing Charlie's knick-knacks) The deep sea helmet, the fake jazz posters—add an old snow sled and a couple of baseball pennants, you could open a T.G.I. Friday's!
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: What about this umbrella stand that has no umbrellas?
Charlie: A girl gave me that, too.
Alan: Another great weekend?
Charlie: No, it was raining.
 • Rating: Unrated

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