Two and a Half Men Season 4 Quotes
Alan: You don't surf do you?
Charlie: Not a bit.
Alan: So how did Gidget get the idea you were "The Big Kahuna?"
Charlie: I told her I "hanged ten" and I guess she misunderstood
Alan: Since when do you have a wet suit?
Charlie: Since I moved to the beach and noticed it was full of hot surfer chicks. If I lived next to Jellystone Park I'd have a bear suit and a picnic basket
Charlie: I think I'll go to the bathroom.
Evelyn: Why?
Charlie: What do you mean "why"? I have to go.
Evelyn: When was the last time you had a prostate exam?
Charlie: It feels like I'm having one now
Evelyn: So, how is work?
Charlie: Fine.
Evelyn: Are you seeing anybody special?
Charlie: Nope.
Evelyn: Charlie, did you ever stop to think that our relationship is strained because you won't let me in? You won't share.
Charlie: You know why I won't share with you, Mom? Because anything I say will be used against me.
Evelyn: Oh please...
Charlie: I have to go to the bathroom, maybe I have a prostate problem. I buy a new Mercedes, you call it a Nazi phallic symbol. I'm seeing someone new, you ask if I'm paying her by the hour, or per schtup!
Alan: When was the last time you called mom just to see how she was doing?
Charlie: Uh, whoo. What's today, Sunday? Then never.
Alan: Why don't you start with that?
Charlie: OK, fine.
Alan: Remember her number?
Charlie: I've got it on speed dial. 666. Cute, huh?
Hey, if girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with only one leg work at? ... IHOP
Jake
Alan: Looks like you had a tough night.
Charlie: No, the night was great. It's the morning that's killing me!
Charlie: OK, well, good luck with the tour!
Steven Tyler: Thanks a lot, man.
Charlie: Who's the sponsor, Metamucil?
Steven Tyler: What was that?
Charlie: Nothing, nothing.
Charlie: Let me tell you something about feelings. Feelings are like your mother's breasts. You know where they are, but they're best left unfelt.
Rose: It's an interesting analogy, but may I point out that a mother's breasts are a source for nourishment and comfort?
Charlie: Yeah, well, my mother's breasts were a source of silicone and Russian vodka
Jake: Hey, Berta, do you wanna see my armpit hair?
Berta: Only if you want to see mine
Alan: Um, I just want to say, I'm a huge fan. I lost my virginity to you.
Steven Tyler: Really? Well ya know, there's a lot of the seventies I don't remember
Alan: You misspelled Vicodin.
Charlie: That's the great thing about Vicodin.. I don't care