Two and a Half Men Season 6 Quotes
Alan: Charlie, she is the best receptionist I've ever had.
Charlie: I'm hoping to say the same thing.
- Permalink: Charlie, she is the best receptionist I've ever had. I'm hopin...
Melissa: It feels like I have known [Charlie] all my life.
Alan: I know the feeling. You get over it.
- Permalink: It feels like I have known all my life. I know the feeling. Y...
Alan: You sure you don't wanna come back to my office and hump my fax machine?
Charlie: You still have a fax machine?
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[Melissa]'s actually a doll. I wonder if she's anatomically correct?Charlie
- Permalink: 's actually a doll. I wonder if she's anatomically correct?
(to Jake) Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose some brain cells.Charlie
- Permalink: Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose some brain cells.
Alan: I intend to give my rose to Bachelorette #2.
Charlie: Only you could gay up banging two women.
- Permalink: I intend to give my rose to Bachelorette #2. Only you could ga...
Berta: (reading title of book) Cooking for Dummies.
Charlie: No offense, Jake, I'm actually cooking for everybody.
- Permalink: Cooking for Dummies. No offense, Jake, I'm actually cooking fo...
Charlie: Okay, okay, look, you're not going out to have fun. You never go out to have fun, because you know why? You're not a fun guy!
Alan: Oh, oh, I am very much a fun guy. We just have different definitions of fun, and mine doesn't include urinary tract infections and dry heaving.
- Permalink: Okay, okay, look, you're not going out to have fun. You never go...
(Jake is outdoors trying to hold a "Condos For Sale" sign)
Alan: Thanks, Mom. This is a perfect first job for him.
Charlie: First job? I think you're looking at the birth of a career.
Evelyn: I was gonna have him put up fliers, but I didn't trust him with a staple gun.
Alan: How much are you paying him?
Evelyn: Obviously, too much. Look at him! (Jake is picking his nose) For the record, I promised him $20 and a Playboy magazine.
Evelyn: Don't worry. I'll Magic Marker over the ta-tas and hoo-hoos.
Charlie: Oh, that's disturbing on so many levels.
- Permalink: Thanks, Mom. This is a perfect first job for him. First job? I...
Alan: Hey, are you alright?
Charlie: No, I'm not.
Alan: What's going on?
Charlie: Alan, I have always conducted my sex life according to three simple principles: One—if at all possible, ladies first; Two—it is easier to be forgiven than ask permission; and third and most important—the ten seconds it takes to put on a condom beats the hell out of the ten years you have to pretend to like soccer.
- Permalink: Hey, are you alright? No, I'm not. What's going on? One&md...
Alan: Being a father is one of the greatest joys there is.
Jake: Hey, Dad, where's the plunger?
Alan: Uh, laundry room.
Jake: Thanks. I over-wiped.
Alan: No such thing, my son. (to Charlie) Where was I?
Charlie: The joys of fatherhood.
Alan: Right. (Charlie gives him a look) What? There was a time when he didn't wipe at all!
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(talking about condoms)
Russel: Whenever you're dealing with a manufactured product, there's always gonna be flaws in the process.
Charlie: Yeah, but aren't they supposed to be tested before they go out, or in?
Russel: Well, sure, but they don't test every one.
Charlie: They don't?
Russel: Masturbating's looking better and better, huh?
- Permalink: Whenever you're dealing with a manufactured product, there's alw...
Chelsea: What are you doing?
Charlie: You know what happens when we spoon
Chelsea: I'm sick!
Charlie: So am I!
- Permalink: What are you doing? You know what happens when we spoon I'm ...
You know when dogs are sick they hide until they feel better.. probably why they're man's best friendCharlie
- Permalink: You know when dogs are sick they hide until they feel better.. p...