Kandi: Why would I fantasize about having sex while I'm having sex? Do you think about ham and cheese when you're eating a sandwich?
Alan: Can't argue with that

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Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 21 Quotes

Jake: She say what I'm in trouble for?
Charlie: Nope.
Jake: Boy, it's the not knowing that drives you crazy.
Charlie: Yeah, like a pregnancy test

Charlie: Oh, by the way, you need to buy Kandi a diamond necklace.
Alan: Wha-What?
Charlie: You told me to cover for you. I said you were out buying her jewelry.
Alan: That's all you could think of?
Charlie: Well, I could think of a lot of things, but only one made me laugh.
Alan: I can't afford to buy her jewelry.
Charlie: I know, that's what makes it funny