Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXBrian Griffin Quotes
Girl [to Brian at bar]: I think you've had about enough.
Brian: Well, I... I think you're wrong, you... you increasingly attractive looking woman. You know, you're... you're really pretty.
Girl: Oh, stop!
Brian: No. I'm... I'm serious... You could... you could be in magazines. You could! And not just Juggs or Creamsicle...
[Lady walks away]
Brian: Call me! ... She won't call
Stewie and I traded in our plane tickets for train tickets. Yeah, apparently you can do that
Stewie: You remember that episode of the Brady Bunch where Bobby saved Greg's life and Greg became his slave?
Brian: Yeah.
Stewie: Good. It's on tonight. Tape it for me, and put a nice label on it
Stewie: Go on, hot wire it!
Brian: Hot wire? I don't even pump my own gas.
Brian [at mom's funeral]: Say something.
Stewie: What?
Brian: Just say something please.
Stewie: For god's sake. Um... "Yea, and God said on to Abraham, 'You will kill your son Isaac'. And Abraham said, 'I can't hear you, You'll have to speak into the microphone.' And God said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better? Check, Check, Check. Jerry pull the high end out I'm, getting some hiss back here.'"
Brian: Say something about my mother!
Stewie: Oh yes, I'm sorry. I never knew Biscuit as a Dog, but I did know her as a table. She was sturdy, all four legs the same length...
Brian: Thanks. That's enough.
Stewie: Yes. Requiem in Terra Pax, and so forth. Amen
Brian: Listen kid, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
Stewie: Ugh, you're not coming out of the closet, are you? Why does everyone always come out to me?
Peter: I'll handle it Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah
Brian: Peter, this is the final plague!
Peter: Good cause this is starting to get old
Brian: Peter, the final plague is the death of the first born son.
Peter: Oh no Stewie!
Brian: The first born son.
Peter: Meg!
Brian: Your wife.
Peter: Chris
[After seeing the social worker give Mrs. Stevens back her baby]
Chris: So this is where babies come from?
Brian: Yes Chris, this is exactly where babies come from.
Chris [to Lois]: You told me I came out of your vagina
Brian: It's amazing, Peter. You've inspired the whole neighborhood to work together.
Peter: You know what's really amazing? I haven't brushed my teeth in three days, and no-one has said a thing
Dr. Kaplan: I'd like to pat you Brian. Would that be okay? You're a good dog, Brian. A very good dog.
Brian: Keep it above the waist, Doc
