Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXChris Griffin Quotes
Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke.
Luke/Chris: Yeah?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Wait, Luke?
Luke/Chris: Yeah?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke Skywalker?
Luke/Chris: Yeah.
Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh my god, this is so silly. I was trying to call Luke Adams, his number is right next to yours in my helmet.
Luke/Chris: Echo-3 to Echo-7. Han old buddy, are you there?
Han/Peter: Luke, we talked about this. I changed my codename.
Luke/Chris: Oh right. Echo-3 to Carlos Spiceyweener.
Han/Peter: Carlos Spiceyweener here.
Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh, come on, Luke, come join the Dark Side! It's really cool!
Luke/Chris: Well I don't know. Whose on it?
Darth Vader/Stewie: Well um... there's me, the Emperor. This guy Scott,. you'll meet him he's awesome...
Peter: Chris, how are all your friends at school?
Chris: What do you care, you don't even know who my friends are.
Peter: Sure I do... Chandler... Fonzy... and Remington Steele?
Chris: You got lucky, dad.
Chris: Anything I could do to make your life easier.
Lois: Well you could always grab the vacuum and clean the living room floor.
Chris: Sure, I'll take care of that. Are you running off to your job?
Anna: I'm really sorry about your Dad's parrot.
Chris: Oh, that's okay. He'll get over it pretty quickly, and then move on to another wacky thing.
(heard in the background)
Peter: Lois, who's pipe organ is this?
Chris: So, uh, how do you like working at the vet?
Anna: Oh, it is so rewarding. Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved working with animals.
Chris: Did you ever make it with one of the dogs?
Anna: What?
Chris: I mean, uh uh, did you enjoy your appetizer?
Anna: It hasn't come yet.
Chris: Oh, um... I mean, did you ever make it with one of the dogs? No! Stupid! (hits himself)
Anna: Chris, just relax.
Chris: Um, okay. You know Anna, when I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world, and now all I wanna do is show you my inner most self, but I'm afraid you'll reject me because you won't like what you see. Or that you'll see my scrotum, and see that it has a seam on it, and then you'll think I'm made up of two different guys that were sewn together, cause that's what I think happened.
Lois: Chris, honey, what's wrong?
Chris: Anna took a dump on me.
Lois: What?!
Chris: Yeah, she broke up with me.
Lois: Oh, she dumped you. That's what you meant to say.
Chris: What's the difference?
Lois: Well, what you said first was... well, I mean, when two grown-ups love each other very much, sometimes they show it by... never mind.
Anna: My name's Anna.
Chris: Um, I'm Chris. Sometimes, I have to poop for a long time. Now it's your turn to say something.
Anna: (laughs) You're funny!
Chris: Hey fellas. Um, I have a question. I went on a date with this girl that I really like, and if you don't mind, I was hoping I could ask you a few questions about the birds and the bees?
Peter: Ahhh, my boy wants to know about sex.
Quagmire: Came to the right place.
Joe: Chris, what you always want to remember is that sex is perfectly natural.
Chris: Well uh, sorry Mr. Swanson. Um, I wasn't really talking to you.
Joe: Chris, I know a lot about sex.
Chris: Yeah, and I'm sure you have fond memories, but I was kinda hoping to get some advice from someone who isn't broken from the waist down.
Joe: I'm a father!
Chris: You're a two-wheeled monster!
Yay! I haven't been in my closet for years! Boy... there is a lot of feces in here.
</i> Chris
Herbert: Alright children, your mammy and pappy asked me to look after ya for the next couple days. So I wanna lay down a few ground rules: no cussing, clean your plates, and only a half-hour of radio and then its off to bed.
Chris: Well that sucks.
Herbert: And don't you mouth off to me or I'm gonna slap you right in your penis
