Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXChris Griffin Quotes
Lois (Leia): (to Luke) Aren't you a little fat to be a storm trooper?
Chris (Luke): Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch.
Lois (Leia): Wait! Who are you?
Chris (Luke): I'm Luke Skywalker. Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you.
Lois (Leia): Wait! Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Chris (Luke): Yeah. Suddenly I'm not so fat, huh?
Chris (Luke): They're coming too fast!
Peter (Han): (Under his breath) Ah boy, nickel for every time that's happened. (yelling) Just keep shootin' Luke.
Chris (Luke): R2, what are you doing out here?
Cleveland (R2-D2): Beep boop beep.
Quagmire (C-3PO): He says there are several creatures approaching from the southeast.
Cleveland (R2-D2): That's not what I said. I said there ain't a pack of menthols on this planet.
Chris (Luke): Hey Han!
Peter (Han): What!
Chris (Luke): Why do they call them TIE-Fighters?
Peter (Han): No idea!
(Inside TIE-Fighter cockpit)
TIE Fighter Pilot: (Shouts in Thai)
(Power goes out, the whole family gasps)
Lois: Oh my god, the power's out.
Chris: What are we gonna do now?
Brian: Well, we could light some candles and read.
(rest of the family pauses before breaking out in laughter)
Chris: Yeah right.
Stewie: Yeah that'd be great.
Peter: Yeah, read the inside of my butt.
Chris (Luke): (after shooting a TIE fighter) I got him! I got him!
Peter (Han): Great kid, don't get penisy.
Chris (Luke): One of these days, I'm just gonna take off and join the Rebellion whether you like it or not.
Barbara Pewterschmidt (Aunt Beru): Over my burnt carcass.
Pignose: He doesn't like you.
Chris (Luke): Sorry.
Pignose: I don't like you either.
Chris (Luke): You don't even know me!
Pignose: You know, that's fair. My name's Pignose and this is my brother-in-law, Scott. He visiting from Hoth.
Scott: I don't know why they call it Hoth. They should call it Coldth.
Pignose: Settle down now.
Scott: I'm up after the band.
Chris (Luke): Look at this! Who throws out half a pizza?
Peter (Han): And look at this couch. Sombody threw out a whole couch and it's in great shape.
Brian (Chewbacca): Yeah, put a little Febreeze on that, scrub it out a little bit, it'd look great in your appartment.
Peter (Han): You know what? I know we got a dangerous job to do here, but... I'm taking this. I'm taking this couch.
Lois: Hey you guys.
Chris: Mom, everyone on TV says you're running the town great. Maybe you could do some damn laundry once in a while.
Lois: What?
Chris: What?
Chris: (rings doorbell, person answers) Hi, I'm going door to door to campaign on behalf of Lois Griffin, who's offering real change for the city of Quahog. May we count on your vote next Tuesday?
(Camera pans to show Lois standing in the doorway)
Lois: Chris, this is our house.
Chris: Ah, then what is for dinner?
Lois: Pork chops.
Chris: Excellent.
Lois: Chris, have you been to any other houses?
Chris: I have not.
Lois: Would you like to come in?
Chris: Please.
Principal: I suppose there is one thing I could do to raise the school's test average.
Lois: Then do it!
Principal: Oh right, we'll drop the dumbest student we have. Chris Griffin is hereby expelled!
Chris: But if I leave now, I won't hear who is the dumbest kid in school.
