Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Peter Griffin Quotes
Peter: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait a second! You're telling me, I flew all the way to Kentucky, to get some of your fried chicken, and--and the Colonel isn't even working today??
KFC Employee: He ain't here -- He dead.
Peter: What??
KFC Employee: I say he dead.
Peter: Is Mr. Sanders in?
KFC Employee: What wrong wit you? I say you he dead!
Peter: . . . . THE COL-ONEL!
Peter: Hmm...I'm still not sure.
Car Salesman: Did I mention the tank is a tank?
Peter: Sold!
Peter: Cleveland, who would you rather do: Queen Latifah or Halle Berry,
but she's been dead for six hours?
Cleveland: Aw, man. That's a tough one.
Peter: Randy Fulcher used to pants me every chance he got.
(Flashback)
Young Peter: My book report is on The Giving Tree (A kid pulls down Peter's pants)
Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
(Class laughs at Peter)
Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
(Cut to hallway. Randy pulls Peter's pants down)
Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
Kids: (Come out of no where and start laughing)
Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
(Cut to urinal. Peter's at the urinal. Randy pulls Peter's pants up)
Randy: Nerd!
Peter: (whining) Randy!
Lois: Oh, Peter, I'm so proud of you. Once again you've brought our family to the edge of the abyss and at the very last minute you saved us all. I love you, honey.
Peter: And I've grown fond of you, Lois. Let's go home.
Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "Oooooo!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios
Peter [on Family Feud answering something you'd like to receive as a gift]: Well my whole family agreed on money, so I'm going to go with the flute that Captain Picard played, first in his imagination and then in real life, in the episode "The Inner Light" from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Lois: Peter, its seven in the morning!
Brian: Thanks for the update Big Ben.
[Brian and Peter Laugh]
Lois: You're drunk again!
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted from bein' up all night drinkin'.
Lois: Listen, Peter, if you keep this up something terrible's gonna happen.
Peter: Somethin' terrible... all the way to the bank!
Brian: Nice
(Carter Pewterschmidt walks in his living room to find Peter naked, kissing Lois)Carter Pewterschmidt: Why are you naked in my house?!Peter: (turning around to Mr. Pewterschmidt) Uh....(pauses)...why aren't you?Carter Pewterschmidt: (long pause) ..You're alright Griffin.
Jesus: I am a Jew
Peter: Prove it. What's a 9% tip on a $200 dinner?
Jesus: It's $18, which is very fair
Peter: Ah Jasper, where'd ya get these brownies?
Jasper: They're from a bakery in the West Quahog Gay District. I thought they'd help my depression.
Peter: Oh, I can see why, oh my god, they pack so much fudge into these. Look at this, there are even a couple of nuts lodged in there.
Peter: I beleive I am psyhic. My first prediction is that i'm either going to fly or ruin that family's picnic!
[runs and tries to fly, crashing on family's picnic]
Woman: Hey you ruined our picnic!
Peter: Psychic!
